When evening bells, with slow and weary peals,
has weary adding an extra meaning to lente "slow", where a one-word metrical equivalent like "unergetic", for instance, would fit the line.
and you find no friend’s or lover’s company,
then think of me!
These above two lines with forced rhyme are almost prosaic compared to the original's
Si tu n'as pas d'amis ni d'amours près de toi,
Pense à moi! Pense à moi!
which alliterate in d'amis ni d'amours, près de toi/Pense à moi, and evoke a refrain not far below Rossetti's ""Well, where are the snows of yester-year?"
then think of all the time between our tears
and find yourself, as you search your memory,
so near to me!
When evening bells, across the lonely space,
toll my rapt heart’s chimes, I see your face.
through an open window speak to you of death,
then dream of one who waits for you eternally,
are too far from the meaning of the original
Although this version is not bad as a revision, it still needs to take more steps before it can be considered a reasonably faithful translation of the excellent original.
|
Threaded Mode
