[John Whitworth]

I suppose we should all have seen this coming.


No. 2848: scottish question

We done something similar before but I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to give William Topaz McGonagall a chance to comment on Scottish independence. You are invited to submit such a commentary in your best McGonagallese. Please email entries of up to 16 lines (wherever possible) to lucy@spectator.co.uk by midday on 14 May.

[basil ransome-davies]

McGonagall, FFS? I despair.

[Rob Stuart]

This already been done recently in Private Eye.

http://www.private-eye.co.uk/eyeplayer.php?media=151

(if anyone's interested)

[Jerome Betts]

Thhere was a later Salmond-McGonagall offering in Private Eye in 2012 after the 2012 Olympics. A much-ploughed furrow.

[Rob Stuart]

’Twas on the 18th day of September in the year 2014
That the good people of Scotland were invited to choose between
Remaining part of the United Kingdom or
Not being a part of it any more.

When it transpired that with the rest of Great Britain the Scotch wanted to remain
This gave the SNP leader Alex Salmond a terrible pain
In that organ of thought that doctors call the brain,
For he knew the opportunity would not come again.

‘Westminster is to blame for this,’ Mr Salmond angrily declared,
‘For they deliberately set out to make my countrymen feel scared.
I have been much angered by all their negative campaigning,
And that is the reason I am now complaining.

‘They said we might not be able to keep the pound or the BBC,
And that even continuing membership of the EU was not a guarantee.
If only the ‘No’ camp had had the decency to talk about such issues less
And a bit more about the sort of things that might have made folk vote ‘Yes’.’

[John Whitworth]

I hope you have that date right, Rob.


In the year 2014 on the 18th of September
All Scottish patriots should well remember
To make sure a plurality of their votes are Wee Eck's,
Without regard to age, colour, creed or sex.

We have a proud history. Let this be our solace
As we celebrate the doughty deeds of William Wallace,
And those of Bruce at Bannockburn still doughtier
Against a foe more prideful and far shoutier.

We mourn the flours o' the forest all withered at Flodden,
And Bonny Prince Charlie who fled from Culloden
With Flora MacDonald, as every schoolboy should know;
Will he no come back again? Alas he could no.

Nemo me impune lacessit. May these be our watchwords,
Meaning 'Hauns aff oor oil!' in good old Scotch words.
Let us grasp the sword of Scottish freedom tightly
That Scotland's star may shine in Europe ever more brightly.

[Jerome Betts]

Rob, typo warning 'oppotunity'. 'fell scared'. ? 'feel scared' , ? 'fall scared' ? 'full scared' or is this some Scoticism?

[Jerome Betts]

Oh, the September referendum of Salmond and Sturgeon
A fit subject to indite a warning dirge on
As they seek to sever England from Old Caledonia
In a national fever similar to that which comes with pneumonia.

Should the centuries long union indeed be sundered
Or have some guid folks quite egregiously blundered?
What benefits, we should ask, will come from division
And will the result be a state not of glory but mirth and derision?

Our noble realm contains many under populated islands
And there are more deer and sheep than people in the Highlands
And to stand alone in a world growing ever more risky
It surely needs more than past-its-peak oil laced with whisky.

Many experienced men of affairs have advised not to do it
And if their wisdom is not heeded all may very well rue it,
So I hope the land of Rangers, Celtic, tartan and heather
Will see the necessity of us all staying stuck fast together.

[John Whitworth]

Interesting that so far everybody except me has written a 'No' piece. But I a sure McGonnagal would have been a 'Yes' man.

[Rob Stuart]

Thank you Jerome, I have amended. Your rhymes, though. Aren't they too... well, good? And you John!