This is the sort of thing that strikes me as more clever than moving. It gets somewhere by the end--and I like the end quite a bit--but the first 9 or 10 lines are just an exhibition of virtuosity for its own sake. I don't see that they're doing anything to set up or comment on the personal situation; they're just ringing variations on the theme until it's time for the turn. And the choppiness bugs me, even if it's hard to avoid with a list.
Last edited by David Danoff; 10-24-2016 at 08:37 AM.
|
Hybrid Mode
