[Julie Steiner]

There was an old man at a Station,
Who made a promiscuous oration;
Now there's not just Faux News,
But Faux Weather, to choose
For such foaming-mouthed disinformation.

[F.F. Teague]

My mother encourages me in the next attempt:

There was an Old Person of Chili.
Whose conduct was painful and silly;
He struck a long match
Rather close to some thatch,
Setting fire to the roof of one Willy.

[Roger Slater]

There was an Old Person of Philae
Whose conduct was scroobius and wily;
Folks asked, “What is ‘scroobius’?
Its meaning is dubious.”
“Why ask if you know?” he said drily.


**

There was an Old Man with a nose
Who said, 'If you choose to suppose
I pilfered this snoot off
A reindeer named Rudolph,
You won’t be surprised that it glows.”

**

There was a Young Lady of Troy
Whom several large flies did annoy;
"They're coming, of course,
From that filthy old horse,
A gift from that jilted Greek boy."

**

There was an Old Person of Ems
Who casually fell in the Thames,
Which is fitting and normal.
One must, though, go formal
When dropping in at the PM's.

[F.F. Teague]

I had to try...

There was an Old Man with a beard,
Who said, 'It is just as I feared!–
When I drink my pea soup
I'm quite cloaked in green gloop
And my wife says, "Good God, you look weird!"'

- - -

There was a Young Lady of Ryde,
Whose shoe-strings were seldom untied;
Fastening left shoe and right
In a knot so damned tight
She could spread her legs just one inch wide.

[Julie Steiner]

There was an Old Man in a pew,
Whose waistcoat was spotted with blue;
UV’ed DNA
Fluoresces that way,
So the cops brought him in, PDQ.

[F.F. Teague]

There was an Old Man with a nose,
Who said, "If you choose to suppose,
That I use it to smell,
You are plenty wrong, gal.
For the truth is, I use it to pose."

[Roger Slater]

Fliss, do "smell" and "gal" rhyme in your neck of the woods? They don't in mine. Any number of tweaks possible, such as

There was an Old Man with a nose,
Who said, "If you choose to suppose
That I use it to smell,
You have not chosen well
For the truth is, I use it to pose."

I like your fifth line, but if you want to be raunchier in the great limerick tradition, how about "For I use it to pick and to pose"?

[Coleman Glenn]

There was an Old Man of Kilkenny,
Who never had more than a penny.
He said, “There’s no shortage
Of coins, per reportage —
But I sure as hell can’t find any.”

[F.F. Teague]

I can't read and I can't write, but that don't really ma'err
because I comes from Gloucestershire and I can drive a trac'err.

Yes, Roger; here in Glos, 'gal' = 'gell'.

There was an Old Man with a nose,
Who said, "If you choose to suppose,
It's my handsomest thing,
Well, you're wrong. Let us sing
Of my fifty-foot hardwearing hose!"

Fliss shrieks and rushes out of her own poem.

[John Isbell]

Hose? Is there some problem with the man's trousers?

John