Nice changes. To me, “Don’t mind your brain!” sounds more Daoist than “Remind your mind.” Also, the latter sounds a bit more high-consciousness and as such, less likely to appear in graffiti.
As to Julie’s comment on the gas station simile, I took it to mean that a truck periodically supplies the gas machines with gas, and afterwards this gas is gradually dispensed into vehicles.
I love the quotes idea and think that would make a world of difference for me, at least, as a reader. Otherwise, I find myself looking at the author/book names and frantically trying to distil their essences in my mind so that I can draw some kind of meaningful connection between each poem and the book. It feels like a sort of final exam, and I’m always worrying that even if I tried, I’d get it wrong. I’d rather have a clearer idea of what you, the poet, has in mind. I think your worry about appearing too academic is a non-issue here, because you’ve already opened the door to that appearance with your references. Might as well grasp the nettle firmly and let those references do more of the work that you want them to.
Last edited by Alexandra Baez; 12-16-2023 at 05:52 PM.
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