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Unread 04-14-2024, 07:03 AM
Carl Copeland Carl Copeland is offline
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Tony, this is philosophical verse that even I can love. I love the audacity of L1, matched with the provocative last line. A few thoughts:

I’m innocent of Heidegger, but I find the epigraph misleading, because it seems to ask why there’s anything at all. Your poem, as I take it, is about why or how, given the existence of things, we add on a layer of meaning and metaphor. I love how you’ve illustrated that layer with the exquisitely random “whiskers of ice,” “panther heat,” “grace of doves,” etc.

I might prefer “mind” (or even “soul”) to “brain,” since a brain is a necessary but insufficient condition of meaning-making.

I’m a bit of a stickler, but I honestly didn’t notice the problem with “lies” until you corrected it. I’d let it agree with “phone” and think of the rest of the list as add-ons (encouraged by the absence of “and”). A shame to spoil your near perfect rhymes.

Last edited by Carl Copeland; 04-14-2024 at 07:06 AM.
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heidegger, philosophy, sonnet, tony barnstone


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