Hi Nick--
The first thing I'll note is that as I read this, I strongly felt that it was written in the voice of a woman. Then, when I looked to see the author's name, was surprised to see "Nick", which is likely male. This made me wonder why some poems feel "feminine" or "masculine" in tone. This poem, for me, gave me the sense of a speaker who feels quite loving, powerless, and vulnerable. I suppose I associate this complex of feelings more with women than men. I suppose this says more about me as a reader than it says about your poem. But there it is... I felt this to be a very feminine poem.
The poem has great lyric energy. I'm almost a little sorry that it gives away a hint of underlying narrative in the lines about "our child" which firms up that the one speaking is likely a spouse losing their partner. Almost I want to just have this be a poem about the inevitable loss of all dear things in due time.
The strongest bits/images for me were in the first and third stanzas: "dust of fireworks" and all of "When the grasses wither, when the night heron
makes its final call. When this summer's fluttered
gold, when the warmth of this life, will end."
There were a few places that felt insufficiently aspirational in their reach for language and images...
"a life of laughter echoing through our past" and "When the sun travels its course into new life, into new days, beyond the horizon" both feel trite/over-worn.
But overall, the impression was quite strong and the emotional content really came through. I enjoyed this quite a lot. Thank you for sharing your work.
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