[Carl Copeland]

Stopping in again, Siham.

I’ve been learning on the Sphere that there can be too much of what I tend to consider a good thing—metrical regularity—but you’ll get no help from me in identifying any excesses. I like your metrical fixes, and the variations that remain work well for me.

Paula and Glenn put me streaks ahead with their heart-condition scenario. So much falls into place with that in mind, even the “metallic noise” and “foghorn blue” of medical equipment. In fact, it may be an echocardiogram poem.

Glenn also helped make sense of Walter Cronkite’s cameo—if those old TV and radio transmissions are part of the “waveform passing through.” I was thinking the waveform/universe was the wavefunction of the universe (not that I know anything about Quantum Cosmology). But if “daily bread in mother’s radio” is a religious radio program, are you deliberately introducing ambiguity by not identifying the title with caps and quotation marks and by using “in” instead of “on”?

I’ll continue to let this fascinating poem work on me.

[Siham Karami]

Thanks for your helpful comments, Rick, Paula, Glenn, and Carl!

Rick, if you mean the original first line, that was kind of my favorite line; but I rather like the new placements at the moment. Glad you like it thus far…

Paula, nice to meet you too! Thanks for your extensive and thoughtful insights. There’s more than one way in which this “Elegy” hardly seems like one. Is it even ok to write an elegy to something that’s actually still alive? That’s probably why I started it with the original first line. I’m actually glad that you found it overall uplifting; that’s my personal attitude about things, including death. So I’ve had a couple near-death experiences, not the exciting kind but more like the near-drowning where underwater looked peaceful and surreal and I thought maybe death isn’t so bad - before suddenly finding a rock and pushing myself up. But it was transformative and generally I was working towards a more positive view although there is sadness, I was going for a different take. It’s interesting that you thought of a heart condition. The dancing image was indeed inspired by an echo view of the heart, which I found fascinating, really looked like something dancing. But the echocardiogram proved I didn’t have a heart condition (previously diagnosed). But this is more about memories and what happens to them and to the person who carries them. Music is infamous for its way of carrying memories, and the heart is I believe where they are. Even if all scientists converged and agreed “it’s the brain!” I’m still going for the heart. But again it’s to me more than some physical pump. Walter Cronkite may not mean much for people who didn’t live through his tenure, but these elements are not meant so literally as they are setting the scene of an entire world passing through in all its odd bits of memories. I found the whole detritus of the world is also important, the jarring, the oddball parts of it. The wild cards. Even “chamber music,” a play on the heart, is another more ancient thing I’ve discovered. These jumbled timeframes can help us face the ultimate questions in some way and find solace in the face of so much loss. (Lately I’ve gone thru the deaths of a few loved ones.)

Glenn, so glad you liked this piece. I actually discovered it just before posting it here and had literally forgotten about it. So I felt it would help to share it in this forum and am glad I did. I knew it might need tweaking. All 4 ways of that line are possible. It’s deliberately ambiguous because it’s speaking of something one can’t really know or pin down. My favorite sort of thing. It’s good for different readers to see different things in it. That’s because I dislike language that is set in stone. Far better the language that fits multiple possible contexts. Our lives are all different. And a good thing that is too.

Carl, thanks for coming back! As I said above, I actually like varying interpretation and hopes it would if not make “sense,” opening up ideas or feelings. I spent some time thinking I had a heart condition, and was diagnosed with one, but later told no it’s just a few leaks in the valves. So I’m not a mechanic but am told this isn’t bad. I don’t really dwell on my physical issues in poems. My whole interest is in the intersection of life and death. And if you can explain what that means, pls let me know, but whatever it means, mostly I learn about it by paying attention to the world around us, all the fascinating creatures and debris in it, all of it. Poetry is the only way I can deal with it.

Best to all,
Siham