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Unread 06-04-2024, 06:03 AM
Paula Fernandez Paula Fernandez is offline
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Location: Wilmette, IL
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Hi David--

I like this poem a lot, but I think that's because I'm personally doing a grand excavation of my own parents' secret lives, so this hit a powerful note with me. I hope you'll continue to develop this theme. Also, when I read this out loud it had such a nice swing and casual tone--even given the mysterious Gaelic phrase. I do love your "voice" in this poem.

However, I'm afraid the poem would not function for me (as a monolingual English speaker) had I not had the benefit of Glenn's research to translate the Gaelic phrase. I think the audience for your work will be small if you insist on this particular bilingualism.

One other note that seemed off on reflection--you seem to indicate that you have your mother's "CV" which would typically be a written document of places and times. It seems odd then to say that "it's all up here" and "a jumbled blur". It makes me think, in fact, you must NOT have the CV or it would be much clearer for you. Maybe you have an oral history (the rhyme still works!). So that seems illogical to me.

I do hope you continue on this one! I'd love to see another draft.
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