[Hilary Biehl]

I have read this a number of times now. It's compelling and frightening in the best way and rewards re-reading. Just a couple thoughts.

On a purely grammatical level, I want it to be "Not to sing is the greatest pleasure." But you may have your reasons for keeping it as is.

I think you could, if you wanted, cut the whole line beginning with "Songs are the most hated thing..." I'm just not sure what that line adds, since "stars flashing into the final fire" is preceded by "the squawk of a crow falling from the fired sky a last time" and the hated songs are followed by "Why do we not love a beautiful song."

[John Riley]

Thanks for the suggestions, Hilary. I always keep suggestions for a later rewrite. I've learned the hard way that when I start revising too quickly I create a stumbling monster.

I'm happy you find it compelling. That was a goal.