[Glenn Wright]

A villanelle, and a timely subject at this time of year. I live in Alaska, and October is when newcomers to the state learn how to drive in icy conditions. Many of them experience the same frustration as the impatient driver your N is dealing with.

The only question I had was on S6L1. I’m having trouble visualizing what, exactly, the brake lights are doing that could be described as slaloming. Otherwise, nice job!

Glenn

[Marshall Begel]

Thanks, Glenn.
I was picturing cars bumper-to-bumper on a curvy road. You'd see their brake lights move in waves along the line. You're lucky if you haven't driven through Chicago on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving!

[Barbara Baig]

Hi Marshall,
I like this a lot: such clever and concise use of language. The first line, and its variations, deftly conjure up the kind of person who just can't bear to drive behind another car. (I like this perspective on him, too--instead of just dismissing him (or her) as an idiot, you give some insight into his character. The poem makes me wonder: If he must have those extra few yards of road, is he that way in the rest of his life, too?)

The only thing that confused me was the title. When I read it, I thought the poem was going to refer to the Native American idea of the Earth being supported by a ladder of turtles. But the poem didn't go there at all (unless I missed something--always a possibility). So when I arrived at the turtles crossing the road, I had a bit of a hard time deciding if they were real or symbolic.

Otherwise, I thoroughly enjoyed this. Thanks.
Barbara

[Marshall Begel]

Thanks, Barbara!
Good point about defining the character behind. I have to be careful not to assume too much!
Yes, that's the phrase and image I borrowed. But since the cars are ahead, it's "up". The "arriving turtles" are cars entering the highway and merging, adding to the congestion.

[Max Goodman]

Welcome, Marshall! I recognize you as a frequent Light contributor.

"sharpest Hornet in the hive" lands well, an -ive rhyme I wasn't expecting.

Some of the -eal rhymes feel forced, including the repetend "steal," which doesn't feel like what the impatient driver is trying to do. I don't know why the angry driver would think N was concealing anything.

The congestion is described in terms of what isn't (no road ahead). If at least once the crowd of cars (referred to missably in the title) were mentioned, it would be more present in the poem.

The title made me expect something metaphysical.

FWIW.

[Marshall Begel]

John and Max:
Good point about using the title for setting the traffic congestion scene! How about "Parkway Parade" or "Gridlock Aggression"?

When you're maintaining a minimum following distance and someone squeezes into it, I feel like there is a "steal" of your position. But yeah, I'll work on replacing the "deprive" stanza.

[Max Goodman]

Originally Posted by Marshall Begel

John and Max:
Good point about using the title for setting the traffic congestion scene! How about "Parkway Parade" or "Gridlock Aggression"?

Either would make the congestion more present. If there's a way to include it in an early line of the poem, even better.