[Jim Moonan]

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Originally Posted by Susan McLean

David and Jim,
Your comments have made me wonder whether men and women read this poem differently, or whether I have not managed to convey adequately that suppression is painful. In some people, the pain turns to vinegar; in some, to a pearl. For me, there are overtones of sadness to emotion that can only be expressed through music, even though the music itself is very beautiful. Perhaps I am seeing a turn here that is visible only to me.

Susan

I don't think it's a matter of male vs. female perspective. In fact, I do see/feel the turn, and do feel the (unspoken) pain. I would think that would be apparent to anyone who reads it closely. Though I would describe the “turn" as being more of a “sitting down” at the piano. It may help to accentuate the turn by putting space between the first ten lines and the last four. I had meant to suggest that in my previous comment. But yes, to me the turn is subtly palpable.

Your analysis of others’ interpretations/impressions are interesting. I didn't sense any other pain than that of loss as the N explores the mystery of a hidden life. The poem enhances the ordinary mystery that we all grow like a patina as we journey through life. So much is hidden. Only those closest to us recognize what lies hidden. The poem’s most striking effect is the subtle silence that arrives in the last four lines as the music takes over to say what words cannot.

The “turn” element that is so closely associated with the sonnet form, in my albeit homespun experience with poetry, is present in every good poem. It happens wherever the beauty of the words expressed allow the reader to experience transcendence. Light allows insight. I am not a sonneteer.

Although the song titles are enclosed in quotation marks, I wish they were instead italicized. Grammatically, I can understand why you’ve done it that way, but emotionally I would like to see the music titles emphasized with italics. Doing so brings the music to life, imo. I also think it's a cleaner look.

As you often do, you've made me go back and read more closely, and some things have appeared that I didn't catch before when I swept through the poem on the momentum of the sentiment/emotion

These lines now strikes me as being slightly off:

Calm and self-effacing
in public, but a whiz at bridge

I don’t see the logic behind the contrast. Why the “but”?


Interestingly, the final four lines are ambiguous in terms of who exactly is speaking. In a sense, the first ten lines are “now/present” being spoken by the adult narrator seeking clues to the woman’s mystery that lies hidden. However, the last four lines shift to be “then/past” and I’m inclined to think it is the child listening to the music and falling asleep to it. No sadness felt; at least not from the child’s perspective.

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[Susan McLean]

Jim, when readers don't mention any perception of underlying pain, and when they say they don't sense a turn, I have to wonder whether they are picking up on what I intended. As a child, I was simply bowled over by the power and passion of the playing; as an adult, I view that passion through a different lens. So, I would say that the last four lines state what the child perceived, but in the context of the rest of the poem, what the adult sensed about the source of that passion exists as well. Or so I would like to think.

The lines "Calm and self-effacing / in public, but a whiz at bridge" were meant to suggest that anyone who met her for the first time would not pay any attention to her and would tend to underestimate her abilities at bridge or anything else--until he or she saw her in action. Perhaps "whiz" is not forceful enough. I would use "formidable" except that it doesn't fit in the line.

I have revisited the issue of italics in the last line. Typically, the title of a work that is long and complete in itself goes into italics, and short works or works that are part of a longer work go into quotation marks. The former is true of Moonlight Sonata, so I have changed that to italics, but "Clair de Lune" is part of a longer work, so I am leaving that in quotation marks.

Susan

[Mary McLean]

Hi Susan,
You could get rid of 'in public', since it is implied. That would give more room to describe her card playing skill. You've already used 'killer' though....I wondered about 'shark', to give an impression of that predator lurking below the surface, but I think the gambling connotation is too strong. Maybe 'ace'?

[Susan McLean]

Mary, I have taken your suggestion of "ace" for "whiz." I was tempted by "tiger shark," but that might have overly sinister connotations.

Susan

[Catherine Chandler]

Beautiful, Susan. Those small revisions work well. I'm still not overly fond of the title, although it is an improvement on "Woman of Mystery."

[Susan McLean]

Thanks, Cathy. I never meant "Woman of Mystery" to be the real title. That was more tongue in cheek. I am glad that you think the changes are improvements.

Susan