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Unread 02-18-2025, 10:26 AM
Hilary Biehl Hilary Biehl is offline
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Hi Matt, this feels disjointed to me at the beginning but I think that's what you were going for. It does come together more at the end and even comments on that fact, so it feels intentional. I love the last few lines. The "tiny beak of glass" is wonderful.

A couple small suggestions - to me, "awakened" sounds better than "awoken." Also, you might cut "shining" from L15 and just say "How bright its incandescence." You already have two words evoking brightness so "shining" feels unnecessary.
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