[Glenn Wright]

Walking with My Dog

She rubs herself against my shin.
Her fur is shiny, soft, and black.
My students’ themes on Hester Prynne
will still be here when we come back.
I snap the leash and off we go.
She snuffles scents from bark and weeds;
we wander far from trails we know
so she can have the run she needs.
She thrums with joy, charged up, aglow
with gratitude, it seems, for all
her happiness. Her features show
a pure and loving faith. So small,
deprived of words, yet she can say
enough to show me how to pray.
————————
Edits:
L1: She rubs herself against my shin. > She rubs herself against my shin; > She rubs herself against my shin.
L2: Her fur is shiny, soft, and black. > her thick fur shiny, soft, and black. >her fur is shiny, soft, and black. > Her fur is shiny, soft, and black.
L6: She vacuums scents from bark and weeds. > She snuffles scents from bark and weeds,
L7: We wander from the trails we know. > wandering far from trails we know > we wander far from trails we know
L8: I let her have the run she needs. > so she can have the run she needs.
L9: She shakes with joy, her face aglow > She thrums with joy, charged up, aglow
L10: I think she’s thanking God for all > with gratitude, I think, for all > with exuberant thanks for all > with gratitude, it seems, for all

[Jim Ramsey]

Hi Glenn,

As you know, I get a lot out of walking my dog too, so I enjoyed your theme a lot. I did balk though a bit at a point where I thought the poem may be too literally crediting dogs with the ability to conceive of God. Maybe I am the one being too literal, though. Anyway, I thought a slight change would smooth my read:

How about:

She shakes with joy, her face aglow
as if she’s thanking God for all

instead of:

She shakes with joy, her face aglow.
I think she’s thanking God for all

All the best,
Jim

[Matt Q]

Hi Glenn,

Like Jim, my main nit here is with the God line. That's no because I particularly have a problem with the N thinking that the dog is thanking God, but because of how much this line gives away what's coming. If you were to cut that line completely, I think the poem would still work and be better. I'd suggest finding a line that doesn't mention God or Christianity/religion, so that "show me how to pray" comes as more of a surprise, and then has more impact.

For example, something like this would do it:

She shakes with joy, her face aglow,
as if lit up with gratitude for all
her happiness. Her features show

but no doubt you can do better. Then the "pure and loving faith" would be more likely read (I think) as being trust and faith in her master. In fact, might that be a slightly different angle for a revision of the poem and worth considering: the dog's faith, joy, love, obedience and trust in her master inspiring the N as a model for the best way to approach God?

best,

Matt

[Roger Slater]

I think this is very good, even the God line. (At first I had trouble relating, since my dog is an atheist).

[Susan McLean]

Glenn, I think you risk losing some readers with the word "pray." Would you consider "praise" instead? To make the poem overtly religious, especially in connection to a dog, is going to be a step too far for some, but the idea of joy and gratitude is universal.

Susan

[Roger Slater]

Well, there are tons of fine poems that are overtly religious and which don't offend or turn off atheists such as me. And the poem doesn't actually say that the dog is religous or praying. We can believe the dog doesn't entertain religious thoughts or impulses while also believing that it inspires such thoughts in its owner.

[Glenn Wright]

Hi, Jim, Matt, Roger, and Susan—

Thank you, all, for your useful impressions and suggestions.

I found it interesting that all of you choked a bit on L10. Maybe it’s a Catholic thing, but I was always a big fan of St. Francis of Assisi. As a child I loved the stories about him preaching to the birds and converting the wolf of Gubbio. I was worried that the suggestion of a dog praying might be too cute, like a Hallmark card with a dog kneeling beside a bed with folded paws. I was also concerned that the reader might be tempted to conclude that the dog regarded the N as her God. I did not want to imply this. My objective was to show that the English teacher N realizes that prayer has less to do with language and intellect and more to do with love and awe. God loves His creatures and they love Him.

I was convinced, Matt, by your remark that L10 gave away too much and weakened the ending. Accordingly I went with an edit similar to the ones you and Jim suggested. I decided that I could get away with the final word “pray,” Susan, since I stop short of saying that the dog is praying, merely noting that her behavior exemplifies a relationship with God that is, ironically, more profound than the N’s.
I must ask, Roger, how you know your dog’s opinions on religion. I would love to join in on those conversations.

I sincerely appreciate your generous comments, all.

Glenn

[Rick Mullin]

Hi Glen,

I think this is good as well. An interesting point is the number of lines in the first half of the poems that are end-stopped. One-line sentences. The second half has enjambments that make the rhymes flow more naturally. I'm wondering if this is intentional. I've walked a few dogs and I know it can be very stop-and-go. Perhaps the flow comes in at the right time.

Rick

[Roger Slater]

I like the original line better and I don't think it gives away the ending. The ending is a different thought. Anyway, this isn't a whodunnit or a joke whose punchline you don't want to spoil. The original line just sounded better, in my opinon.

[Glenn Wright]

Hi, Rick—

It’s funny you should mention the end stops. They were not originally deliberate, and when I noticed them I tried to break them up, but then I decided that I liked the contrast in tempo between the end stops and enjambments coinciding with octet and sestet. I also liked the quicker pace after the mention of the running in L8. Since this is a “skinny sonnet” in tetrameter, it’s easy to fall into the trap of goose stepping in march time, and the end stops only make it worse.

I’m glad you enjoyed it.

Glenn