[Hilary Biehl]

I think it was wise to revert on L2. I like "snuffles" but "vacuums" worked for me too. I wasn't picturing a literal vacuum, just a very enthusiastic dog taking in the scenery. I generally like semicolons, but I am not sure you need them here.

Agree with Simon that ultimately you need to decide what you prefer. Coming back in a few days with fresh eyes is often the best way to do that.

[Glenn Wright]

Hi, Rick and Hilary—

Returning to this piece after a brief rest, I decided that I like the end stops in the first few lines, suggesting the slow process of flipping papers. The enjambments later in the poem underscore the heightened motion and mood of the N. I kept one semicolon.

I felt, as Max mentioned, that “shakes with joy, her face aglow” in L9 lacked interest and intensity. Accordingly I made a change that compares the dog (and N’s) excitement to an electric charge.

Rick—I like the ordinariness of the title as it plays against the dog’s excitement at the walk as a special moment of grace, which she communicates to the N.

Thanks, both, for your continuing helpful advice.

Glenn

[Hilary Biehl]

I think it's a good revision, Glenn. It combines the strengths of different versions.

[Julie Steiner]

What Hilary said. You made good selections from the smorgasbord of advice. (And started well on your own, too.)

[Glenn Wright]

Hi, Hilary and Julie—

I appreciate you both stopping by. Thank you for your encouragement. I’m glad you liked this piece.

Glenn

[Jim Moonan]

.
I've procrastinated too long this time, and you have done a fine job of leashing (or is it unleashing) the poem to say some things that especially dog lovers like me can intuit.

So I won't stay long except to say you had me eating out of your hand at the title. The inclusion of the word “With” says it all. I must remember to walk with my dog.

You've transformed the original God-centric conceit into something more ethereal and it welcomes me in to walk with you.

Btw, I really like the user-friendly way you've tracked the changes.

.

[Glenn Wright]

Hi, Jim—

Heartfelt thanks for sharing your response to my poem. Your encouragement means a lot to me.

Glenn