[Jayne Osborn]

Alex,
My reading was similar to Glenn's - the N working up a sweat on one of the machines at a gym, but I just don't see how either "gaslight" or "lamplit" (and now the revised "lights flickering dim through haze") comes into the scenario, other than for the sake of the "haze/craze/praise/ablaze" rhymes.

The lighting - of whatever kind - seems irrelevant, when other factors are much more in evidence when one is working out.

There are many -aze rhymes; I think the poem would benefit from a different L2.

Jayne

[Alex Pepple]

Hello, Jayne,

Thanks for weighing in with your take. I understand your point about the lighting possibly seeming irrelevant to the scenario.

In my vision for the poem, the "flickering lights through haze" serves multiple purposes - it creates the atmospheric setting where sweat might lead to blurred/hazy vision, it suggests the disorienting sensory experience during intense exertion ... The haze represents both the physical state of the protagonist and the atmosphere of the environment.

In such a minimal poem, I'm trying to make every word carry multiple layers of meaning. The rhyme scheme certainly guides some choices, but I believe the imagery of flickering light cutting through haze adds an important visual dimension to the physical experience being described.

I appreciate your thoughtful reading and suggestions!

Cheers,
...Alex

[Jim Moonan]

.
Hi Alex, I've only skimmed the comments, but Julie's stood out. I, too, read this as a sultry, ultra-close-up of a sexual encounter. It happens with hot-button-like sensual wording. We are deep-thinking animals with innate drives, tendencies and a host of other elements that can conceivablly be described as machine-like.

The poem reminds me of ecstasy. (I've been whipped into ecstasy by nature herself and wrote about it.) There is a consummation of sorts taking place. I don’t think the two varying views (your and Julie’s) are all that different. Your subconscious may be at work and perhaps you are melding the two and drawing attention to the way the body responds to physical stimulation.


.

[Alex Pepple]

Hello, Jim,

Thank you for your thoughtful response and for reinforcing Julie’s interpretation. It’s always fascinating when readers uncover layers in a poem that even the author hadn’t consciously intended—and this may be one of those cases. I hadn’t initially considered that angle, but I welcome it, as it adds a deeper dimension to the poem.

My main concern was ensuring the imagery didn’t lean toward Victorian melodrama (as Glenn’s take suggested), and I believe the current revision of line two has resolved that.

I truly appreciate your insight, Jim—it's given me even more to think about in terms of how this piece resonates.

Cheers,
...Alex

[Jan Iwaszkiewicz]

I like Alex,

Perhaps the somewhat archaic ‘ablaze’ could be recast.

Jan