Ah, I think you're onto something there, Jim!
Details of the city could really liven this up, alright.
Many thanks for that.
Trev
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jim Moonan
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Coming back in with a quick thought.
I've just skimmed the comments but recall seeing some debate about the word "humanity's". I do like it well enough, but the word really devours the first two lines, imo. There's something about it that is outsized.
What I think is missing in the poem is the overt imagery/backdrop of the city environs and its concrete, glass, steel, parks, building ledges, eaves, etc. It might be worth it to look for replacing humanity's" with descriptors that localized them to the city. Just a thought.
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