[Susan McLean]

I like it. I think the last stanza is a statement about wondering, not a question. I had never heard of "drizabone," so its meaning did not register for me at first. My one suggestion is to make the last line the same as the other refrains.

Susan

[Julie Steiner]

Like Susan, I'd like to see the final refrain remain the same. I think it would underscore the feeling of inevitability.

I really, really love this. You've captured the void so well, throughout.

One of the things I like best is that it leaves the reader to wonder if "We meet at 12" means midnight or High Noon — both of which have multiple ominous resonances in popular culture. The ambiguity lets you exploit all of those.

[Erik Olson]

Jan,

I love this! Every word holds its weight. The repetend reinforces the impression of time's inevitable appointment ahead. The speaker aptly uses the raincoat as a stand-in for his self.

The raincoat holds the shape of me
so can’t it go instead?
It holds the emptiness you see
that’s in my hands and head.

Drizabone is a juicy word; it sounds like dry as a bone. I don't mind one exotic word in the poem (at least it is to me), especially when the rest of the diction is rather simple, in a good way. These are just my initial thoughts.

Best,
Erik