[Trevor Conway]

Hi Richard,

This was quite enjoyable. I think the simpler "Puddles" would work better and give you a greater impact with your final lines. Apart from that, I found it lying around the middle. I'd suggest removing everything from "perhaps you have forgotten" to "zenith", where it felt to me like you were trying to stretch the idea as too much. Keep it simpler, in my opinion.

I love "ankling" in particular, by the way. Lovely, creative use of language.

Thanks for sharing this.

Trev