[Roger Slater]

This isn't working for me, and I love tons of Christian poetry even though I am not and have never been Christian. George Herbert rocks! But Herbert's poems aren't sermons, but the musings and reflections of a flesh-and-blood person who thinks and strives and ponders and believes and doubts, i.e., a human confronting the meaning of life and existence. Your poem doesn't reveal the human being at its heart, it seems to me, and simply paints by numbers.

Originally Posted by Glenn Wright

Four Last Things

The rain falls on us all, just and unjust,
who struggle to choose faith instead of lust. Doesn't the rain also fall on those who don't struggle to choose faith instead of lust?
God’s fields grow weeds of hate and seeds of love.
Soon Death will separate me, soul from dust. This sounds like you're at death's door, looking death in the face. But why is it "soon"? It makes me want to know the circumstances. In general, the poem seems more like a theological essay than the cry or reflection of someone about to die.

Then will my Judgment come from Christ above. Is "above" maybe a bit of a cliche. It's hardly sophisticated theology to say that Christ is "above."
There’s no deceiving Father, Son, and Dove.
The book of deeds I wrote on earth, each page,
will then be seen by all. Perhaps a shove All? I don't think people's deeds are revealed to "all" when they die. Do you? Also, the word "shove" seems forced to me. Who is doing the shoving? What is it? Is this just another word for dying? But in rhyme position, I'm always suspicious that a less-than-exact word has been chosen for the rhyme.

will send me plunging down—my well earned wage:
eternity spent in a mirrored cage,
cast into the jaws and guts of Hell, "The jaws of Hell" is a cliche, and a metaphor that doesn't mesh with anything else in the poem.
devouring myself from age to age. I'm not sure what "from age to age" means.

Perhaps the Father, knowing me so well,
will, in His mercy, free me from that cell, God will be merciful because He knows you so well? Sounds a bit boastful. God knows you and therefore knows you are worthy? Most religious poetry would be saying the opposite, i.e., God knows I'm a sinner and I'm counting on His mercy.
guide me home to Heaven, where I will dwell
with Him, kept in His love’s protecting shell. A shell sounds like a diminutive and restricted area, rather than something all-encompassing. Who craves to live in a shell? I don't think of heaven as a shell, do you? Also, I don't think of heaven as a place where you need protection.
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Edits:
S1L2: on those who trust in faith or yield to lust. > who struggle to choose faith instead of lust.
S4L3: guide me home to Heaven, with Him to dwell, > guide me home to Heaven, where I will dwell
S4L4: and keep me in His love’s protecting shell. > with Him, kept in His love’s protecting shell.