[Alex Pepple]

Night Fog


There is a man in the woods
searching still, in haze, for signs
of me.

His kerosene lamp guttering,
he tramples twigs, seedpods,
remnants of wings—
moth-silk dissolving
in the damp.

My name slips his tongue.
He walks to our swollen
river, plunges a hand,
cups the chill of currents,
asperges his face,

now peers through mist
for what flood-born flotsam
remains from the night
he witnessed everything
of me drift away.

Each fragment wrapped in fog,
each shadow once
a shape he knew.

------------------------------------------------------


~~~Original version ~~~

Night Fog


There is a man in the woods
searching in haze for signs
of me.

His kerosene lamp swinging,
he tramples twigs, seedpods,
remnants of wings.

My name slips his tongue.
He walks to the familiar
river, plunges his hand,
splashes his face,

then peers through mist for what flotsam
survived the night
he watched everything
of me drift away.

[Harry Nicolas]

Hey alex, here is my interpretation
Night fog - gives ominous/eerie image in my head
4stanzas

Stanza 1 - a man in the woods searching for the N. haze is metaphor for something
Stanza2 - lamp is light to guide is way. Remnants of wings is ambiguous so wings of what -a bird, butterfly, angel, something that flies. Also remnants implies the pssage of time so the wings are archaic and have been decaying for a long time.
Stanza3 - so the N does know the man in the woods.what type of relationship do they have?
Stanza4 - there is a figurative shipwreck. The man watches the n that is a metaphorical shipwreck drift away.

The passage of time seems to be a theme here. Shipwrecks and remnants of wings are things you come upon and I think of what was the ship carrying where was it going, what type of wings/where was the bird (if it is one) going
The haze/mist is a metaphor for something I’m not sure what, maybe something that was clouding/fogging the relationship between the N and the man in the woods.
For me- unless I’m missing something which I probably am, I think I would want to see more stanzas developing the narrative, but that’s just my personal opinion

[Max Goodman]

A strong extended image that has prompted a lot of thought.

The speaker seems to be imagining how he will be remembered after death, an intriguing topic.

It feels intentionally hazy, appropriate for the topic.

Flotsam suggests a flood, a strong choice. A disaster, partially unpredictable, but a particularly natural eventually-inevitable one.

There is nothing here (unless I'm missing it) to suggest the speaker's relationship to the man, suggesting the possibility that this is just someone who happened to be there at the moment of the speaker's death. That this is the man the speaker would think about when imagining death (a man yet unknown to the speaker except theoretically) feels lonely.

FWIW.

[Trevor Conway]

Hi Alex,

You set up an interesting scene here, one that feels very allegorical, but it seems to me like you haven't done much with it after that. The end comes quite suddenly. I'd love to see a lot more development before we get to the end.

I hope this feedback helps in some way.

All the best,

Trev

Originally Posted by Alex Pepple

Night Fog


There is a man in the woods
searching in haze for signs
of me.

His kerosene lamp swinging,
he tramples twigs, seedpods,
remnants of wings.

My name slips his tongue.
He walks to the familiar
river, plunges his hand,
splashes his face,

then peers through mist for what flotsam
survived the night
he watched everything
of me drift away.

[Alex Pepple]

Thank you, Harry, Max, and Trev for your thoughtful engagement with the poem—much appreciated. I’ve now posted a revised version, which I hope better communicates the emotional and imagistic textures while still preserving its core messages.

Harry, I found your interpretation especially helpful. Your comments about the “remnants of wings” and your questions about the relationship between the narrator and the man in the woods helped me see how readers might seek more anchoring details. You also rightly noted the recurring theme of time—something I’ve aimed to highlight more explicitly in the revision. While I’ve retained some of the intentional haziness (in keeping with the fog imagery), I’ve also added more specificity to the imagery of wings and the river, which I hope provides firmer narrative footholds.

Max, your interpretation—that the speaker may be imagining how he’ll be remembered after death is especially resonant. I have now tried to sharpen that aspect for improved insight for the reader. Your point about the flood being “partially unpredictable, but a particularly natural eventually-inevitable one” helped sharpen my own understanding of how to sharpen the disaster motif and flotsam imagery for the reader. I’ve also tried to preserve the subtle emotional distance and sense of loneliness you identified—an undercurrent integral to the poem's atmosphere.

Trev, I appreciate your observation about the poem’s allegorical quality and your desire for more development before the conclusion. In my revision, this is addressed by the added, new final stanza that extends the emotional and symbolic implications of the searching man and the objects he finds. I’ve also enriched some of the middle imagery (particularly around the river scene) to create more narrative texture while still maintaining the poem’s compressed form. While I’ve chosen to keep the piece relatively brief, I hope these additions give the allegorical elements more room to resonate.

Thanks again to both of you. I hope the revision now provides better insight and appreciation of the poem!

Cheers,
…Alex