This is beautiful. I particularly like that after it's established that the father and son have some sense that the father is dying, the poem doesn't dwell on it. I wonder whether it could be established less directly. The last half of the second stanza feels too on-the-nose. The first half of that stanza strongly suggests the father isn't well.
Some quibbles:
The description "precious, clear, and full of shining light" feels fulsome, non-descriptive. Coming so early in the poem, it did not encourage me to read further. In other than a workshop setting, I might have stopped reading and missed the strong rest of the poem.
"Hilltop perch" makes the kite-flying area sound smaller than it appears later in the poem (and smaller than it would have to be).
The L2/3 tense shift (by which I mean the lack of tense shift when we are clearly shifting from present remembrance into a retelling of the event of the past) is strong: it puts me directly into the memory. That the poem immediately shifts from that to past and past perfect tenses is both disappointing and grammatically jumbled-feeling.
FWIW.
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