Thank you all for, gentlemen, for your thoughtful feedback on both versions of "Night Fog." The mixed responses on the revision have been incredibly valuable in helping me consider what's most essential to this poem.
Max - I appreciate your observation about how the revision clarified the relationship between the speaker and the man. You're right about "asperges" - it's actually a verb form referring to the ritual sprinkling, such as with holy water, but I can see how it created confusion rather than clarity.
Joe and Glenn - Your preference for the original's spare language resonates with me. There's power in compression, and I think I may have overelaborated in places. I'm glad you appreciated the final stanza, Joe.
Trevor - I'm pleased the revision offered the depth and development you were looking for. Your point about removing "now" is well-taken, and your uncertainty about "asperges" aligns with other feedback.
Glenn - Your reading of the narrator as possibly murdered by the man with the lamp is fascinating and not one I had consciously intended, but I can now see how that interpretation comes about. I pleased at how the poem's layers of meaning allows for such interpretations.
After reflecting on all your comments, I've created a version that aims to find middle ground—maintaining the original's compression while keeping elements that add clarity and depth. I've replaced "asperges" with "cleanses" and streamlined several passages while preserving the additional final stanza that received positive feedback.
I hope the revision maintains the poem's essential mystery while providing enough clarity to guide the reader. As always, I welcome your thoughts.
Cheers,
…Alex
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