Eratosphere Forums - Metrical Poetry, Free Verse, Fiction, Art, Critique, Discussions Able Muse - a review of poetry, prose and art

Forum Left Top

 
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Prev Previous Post   Next Post Next
  #7  
Unread 05-19-2025, 03:24 AM
Matt Q Matt Q is offline
Member
 
Join Date: May 2013
Location: England, UK
Posts: 5,348
Default

Hi James,

I like it. It's evocative. I don't really see the poem making any specific scientific claims, so I didn't think anything was off in that respect.

I'm not quite clear what the opening's "we thought it close" refers to. Is "it", light, or something else? An answer? The resolution of a fundamental question? God, or knowledge of God?

I find this hard to parse, so don't really understand it:

a lighthouse’s reach our own
splay of fingers squeezing rock and sand


Are you missing a comma or other punctuation? Is there elision (a lighthouse's reach [that was] our own splay ...)? A comma is often used to indicate elision, though could be problematic here given the other punctuation. Or is there a missing "to"? "a lighthouse's reach to our own splay ...."? Or maybe I'm just not seeing something obvious.

of hope, among the most buoyant of
all debris, laid out for God the nature of light.

I wonder about the line-break here. "of" seems rather a weak word to accentuate, especially at the poem's close. You could break on "all", which would construct a superlative, "the most buoyant of all", for the next line to undercut/deflate. Or on "buoyant", I guess, though that would give rather a long last line.

best,

Matt

Last edited by Matt Q; 05-19-2025 at 03:29 AM.
Reply With Quote
 

Bookmarks


Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump



Forum Right Top
Forum Left Bottom Forum Right Bottom
 
Right Left
Member Login
Forgot password?
Forum LeftForum Right


Forum Statistics:
Forum Members: 8,510
Total Threads: 22,647
Total Posts: 279,307
There are 1372 users
currently browsing forums.
Forum LeftForum Right


Forum Sponsor:
Donate & Support Able Muse / Eratosphere
Forum LeftForum Right
Right Right
Right Bottom Left Right Bottom Right

Hosted by ApplauZ Online