[Tom Jardine]

Anonymous Poem

_________________________________


How to be a Pilot's Wife

At the party, stand just so, don't muss
the hair you primped (so casually) for hours.
Glide with ease, the slim wrist of your glass raised
as if to toast him. Be bright as polished brass. Don't drink

if you can't handle it, don't mention the call you got
two weeks ago: midway through a mission
his cockpit slid partly open,
like a sleeper's eye, and air,
shrieking, tried to wrench him from your life.
Don't give them his description
of the bruise left by the harness,
how it made a pattern, crossing his chest
like a pair of bandoliers, or the sight
of a rifle.




[This message has been edited by Tom Jardine (edited September 30, 2004).]

[Tom Jardine]

Anonymous Crit:

______________________________

"Following Her"

Couldn't quite figure out what was going on here. The name "Zoe" doesn't carry any special significance for me. I wondered at first if this is chronicling the slow descent into mental illness and death after
a loved one has passed away, then wondered if it was an egg fertilized after traveling down a fallopian tube. The latter seems way over the top. Zoe as a play on "zygote"? Flagellents appears misspelled.

Regardless, it's a fairly horrific picture, but in the end leaves me cold because I can't really identify with what's taking place.

Liked "mazy momentum".

Kind of interesting that all of the lines are end-stopped except for one--this had a sort of slowing effect on the piece. Good for the end, but in the beginning I'm wondering if some sort of enjambment would help
things move along a bit quicker and mirror the action at the beginning. The lack of stanza breaks worked fine, though the transition from "swift around the turns" to "slower now, much slower" was a bit sudden and
could have been handled better.

[Tom Jardine]

I think this has run its course, and anyone, if they want, can post what they want to add, who wrote what, who critted whom. But I won't add any more anonymous posts, because it takes up time and so forth, and I really think people want their views appreciated as much as their poems.

Maybe if poems were posted anonymously for a week or ten days, and then who wrote the poem is revealed, might be a good idea, one of Carol's good ideas, but the discussion goes on and on and the simplest way might be easiest.


TJ

[Tom Jardine]

Anonymous Poem:

(The format may not be exactly right, but I think the sentences are right.)

__________________________


“Plague”



Must every person lose a mother
every man inter his wife,
Will every sister watch her brother
seeping out his precious life,
Before we see we have a plague,
once 1 in 4, now 1 in 3.
I wonder how can this be vague –
can we all look and yet not see?

Before the culprits were the rodents,
carrying infected mites
Now the rats are much more potent,
bearing the Religious Right;
Holding legally-gained tissue,
banning it from all research
Knowing death is what they issue,
while they hold it in the lurch.

They shake our hands, request our vote;
in the pews, they ask our tithes,
I wonder do they quietly note,
their preference for the one who dies.
They likely hope that sad selection,
( one in three who’ll meet his fate)
Will be the one in the election,
voting for the other slate.

When looking in three cherished faces;
giving hugs and loving pats,
Remember that in most all cases,
to cure a plague, burn out the rats.

[Tom Jardine]

Anonymous crit for "Plague"

____________________________________

I enjoyed the timely vehemence of this, its
combatitive spirit. It would make a good rap song in
the pro-liberal concerts, the last line serving as a
motto.

[Joel VanDersarl]

A non-anonymous crit of anonymous poem

___________Critique of To Be A pilots Wife_________________

Dear Anonymous, whoever you might be and where ever you might go. Just know you dont have to deal with such trife as to be a pilot's wife. I bet that your as wonderful as you poem is when your, "primped and pressed." This poem caught my eye and held it there. Thanks for the read Anonymous, I look forward to seeing more of your poems. ( ;

Sincerely,
J.P



[This message has been edited by Joel VanDersarl (edited October 24, 2004).]

[Jerry Glenn Hartwig]

UH-oh, Joel. You've trespassed on Tom's private kingdom. Off with your head! *grin*