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Unread 06-30-2005, 01:31 PM
Susan McLean Susan McLean is offline
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Location: Iowa City, IA, USA
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That L2 hex bothered me too. It is the combination of an elision with an anapestic substitution that makes it very hard to read the line as pentameter. It should be easy to fix, such as by changing "Set men to prise" to "Now prise." It is the one instance in which the order is delegated to someone else than the person(s) addressed, so that also stands out. I was a bit surprised that the blood was supposed to be left on the sword. I recently read that blood can actually harm the finish of a weapon if it is not cleaned off promptly, and this speaker didn't seem like the sort who would want his weapons getting rusty. The closing couplet is very effective.

Susan
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