Wendy,
If it weren't for "oscillating consciousness," this could be a winner.
You could even have a second movement that occurs after the suicide. Called "Epilogue," something like
And so I partied on. And on. And on.
Till I was the last one breathing.
But not for long. And yet I party on...
in the cemetery
in a box
with the worms.
"Suicide Sounds"
Trapped, in this dim orb of oscillating consciousness,
trying to lift the stillborn shards of our one-time love--
Party on.
Party on, they said --
You can hear,
through the dull drift of anemic orifice
Still.
Party on.
No -- no more.
No more of the drill,
the shrill
soft heart of paralysis.
No!!!!
But it will
end.[/quote]
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