[Lee Gurga]

Originally posted by Martin Elster:
Greetings, Lee.

Below are the 9 haiku I posted in the open mike, plus one new one.

And greetings, Martin! Some thoughts on your poems . . .

Crickets near corn field:
Is this grand recital for
The ears of the corn?


A praying mantis
Squashed dead against the doorjamb —
Preyed on by the door.

One tiny cricket
Stridulates in the bedroom.
My dog sleeps; I don’t.

A green grasshopper
Clings to the bedroom lampshade;
The window's open.

Dog days of summer;
Fruit flies fly around
In the refrigerator.

The dog is scratching;
A wee flea on his hind leg
Is getting seasick.

Sleep … Walk dog … Eat … Walk
dog … Sleep … Walk dog … Eat … Walk dog …
Sleepwalk … Eat dog … Oops!

What’s Fido feeling
Riding in the fast auto,
Autumn flying past?

In a shop window,
A dog sees his reflection—
Both of them growling.

Naked clothes hangers
Lined up like xylophone bars;
Sunbeams play their wood

One of the most important characeristics of haiku is its openendedness or element of "incompleteness." This incompleteness permits the reader to experience the poem from the inside rather than the outside. As I look at these haiku, Martin, they all, with the exception of the two with rhetorical questions, are end stopped, thus depriving the reader of opportunity to become a co-creator of the experience. Lee

[Lee Gurga]

Originally posted by fivefootone:
Mary, I can never understand why turtles get hit. It just breaks my heart. It's not like they are darting out in front of the car. A slight swerve or tires on either side and the turtles fine. I think there are asses out there who purposely run them over. Okay done. Sorry Lee!

Donna

Ha, ha! No problem! Lee

[Lee Gurga]

Originally posted by Seree Zohar:
Shalom Lee

we read, we try to learn and we'll see just how much by your (much appreciated) comments - and so, another beginner charges (in):

And shalom to you, Seree. We are all beginners in a sense, myself included. Most days I, too, am humbled by haiku.


Tulips, a fine spray
Bloemenmarket's scented carpet
guaranteed never-shrink

Mist powders gracht* foliage
faster than scant sun-breezes dust:
water off cygnets’ backs

“The Jewish Bride” hosts
immaculate despite centuries
dead flies at her hem

[*canal]

As in my comments to Martin, I would like to see more open-endedness in your haiku. I will look forward to more. (Also, could you tell me why "The Jewish Bride" is in quotes?) Lee

[Lee Gurga]

Originally posted by Cally Conan-Davies:
Haiku, in memory of the turtle.


<blockquote[/indent]


Lee, you have been marvelous. If you have time, could you say if these are nearer haiku than my first attempts?

Cally

Cally, Please, don't be so kind! We don't want to give people the wrong idea!

>bird's nest
balls of fluff
under your bed


winter coat
a shot of heat
red hair on the collar

Yes, these have a nice ease of expression to them. Forge ahead! Lee

[Cally Conan-Davies]

Thanks, Lee! It's like there's a kind of membrane that needs piercing so the emotion can seep into the image. Could you give me your impression of this one, that Mary and henie got a kick out of yesterday?

blue-tongued lizard
soaks in the sun
a tube of toothpaste

Cally

[Henrietta kelly]

Lee I edited the haiku on page one – in my attempted Haibum I’m happy with the first now, as I feel it hits the mark of the time readily in the prose -- but I might be wrong I dumped the second out of hand, and rethought--

Moths in the pantry
asleep in season’s
peppered reality

``````
with rations
every one
counts

-and Amended prose—to match

To have a memory like that! Forever is a plastic box
the dimensions of a short day, and the fortitude to spread
generations hoping for the lid to be burped; an open time,
that lets one part of you get free.




[This message has been edited by Henrietta kelly (edited October 16, 2008).]

[Cally Conan-Davies]

Also, just want to vastly agree with something Henie said earlier - about what's true for haiku is true for all poetry.

I remember saying on the other thread something about how haiku seems to be the hot-spot of all poetry.

It's the seed crystal.

Cally

[Mary Meriam]

Lee, I've got a new one - what do you think, please?

full moon
for all - civil partnerships
for some


Also, do you like my revision from "live" to "peering" in this one?

peering turtle
on the highway’s center strip
fucked

Also, a question. The leap in haiku reminds of the leap in the ghazal. Are you familiar with ghazals? Do you see any connection with haiku? I feel that if I hadn't already practiced leaping in ghazals, I would have been less able to leap in haiku.

Thanks!!!
Mary

[Martin Rocek]

Lee,
thank you so much for comment--I am flattered to get more
critical comments. I hadn't even thought of the
macabre reading of the first haiku, and I see what you mean about
the closeness--indeed the color of the the afternoon light is very
close to the blush of the cheek. I'll have to think about how to
add a bit more of a spark, intensify the blush.

The muskrat is too much a description.

Thanks for enjoying the bratwurst--what would Basho and Kikaku say?

Thanks again for all your time.

Martin

[Martin Elster]

Originally posted by Lee Gurga:

One of the most important characeristics of haiku is its openendedness or element of "incompleteness." This incompleteness permits the reader to experience the poem from the inside rather than the outside. As I look at these haiku, Martin, they all, with the exception of the two with rhetorical questions, are end stopped, thus depriving the reader of opportunity to become a co-creator of the experience. Lee

Many thanks, Lee, for having looked at those haiku and for your feedback.

Do you mean by "end stopped" that there is a period (punctuation) or is it more about the content? What are some of the ways (besides using a question mark) that a haiku can be openended?

Regarding the first one I sent:

Crickets near corn field:
Is this grand recital for
The ears of the corn?

Stephen Collington rewrote this as

crickets in chorus:
under the moon the corn stands
with attentive ears

I really like what he did with it. But it's not openended -- is it? Or am I missing something about what you said?

Martin