[Stuart Farley]

Mary and Cally -

I'm not sure which one I like more: the haiku or the interpretation. Both are quite extraordinary.

In light of Cally's reading I can definitely see the Blake. But when I read the haiku I had in mind Mallarme, who uses the image of a wing on more than one occasion, and the sense of existential mystery/anxiety that presides in his work.

Well done to both of you! How very illuminating!

Stuart

P.S. Cally, whilst I agree with your interpretation of black wing = experience and white moon = innocence, I interpreted the 'movement' differently. I did not see the black wing affecting the white moon, but rather, I saw it the other way round. Which is highly original (of Mary!). In this way, the frost is not presented as something morbid or menacing, but as....? I haven't got that far yet, I'm afraid.

[This message has been edited by Stuart Farley (edited October 19, 2008).]

[Cally Conan-Davies]

Stuart,

Thanks so much! And your alternative reading reminds me of another element I didn't explicitly mention that Lee, and others on the links, regard as characteristic of great haiku:

Indeterminacy - the absence of fixity in the image - which allows the image/s to resonate, to make ripples in the mind. Nothing is nailed down, so various interpretations are possible. Artful ambiguity produced by sharp-edged clarity.

Fascinating - how you see the action of the images! Do you know, I don't see the 'first frost' as morbid or only menacing. It is cold, and it does change everything - the way one experiences everything - but it is also beautiful, so beautiful, the chill, and it is the beginning of wisdom. I see the frost as patience, as waiting - deep waiting, like a seed waits.

That we both saw similar yet different things in it, is further testament to its power. Thank you for mentioning Mallarme, too, and giving me more to think about!

Cally

[Henrietta kelly]

yellow forget-me-not
latenight sky may give me pause
to remember why


this one I was trying to show how it is to have amnesia, no your don't know you have it or you would remember, you just get niggles that something is there what you cant pin down.


winter severe time
cockroaches in fine suits
climbing steep walls

this one is corporate life the need to succeed to get to the top


nine withered leaches
so so scrumptious
vanilla beans

I was going for the visual and the yuk factor in this one with a twist




nothing is forever
lost in a babbling sound
a snowflake chimes love


--I was being yucky again


butterflies on film
old head x ray
used for perfection

even air is frozen
stoop find gently way
for spring

good to see a host of poems to enjoy --Henie


edit-- sorry I missed two in my copy and paste



[This message has been edited by Henrietta kelly (edited October 19, 2008).]

[Tim Murphy]

Frankly, I shall be very curious to see if all this inspiration, this flurry of Zen imagery, can be carried over into our plodding, rhymed pentameters! I'm trying to put my finger on what I best like here, and I've coined a really pretentious term for it: dissociative association.

[This message has been edited by Tim Murphy (edited October 19, 2008).]

[Cally Conan-Davies]

lol, Tim! As your Tim-term illustrates, we have a quintessentially paradoxical situation happening here!

I, too, have been wondering how on earth to return to iambic pentameter. The Deep End seems like a strange place these days!

henie - I find your visual-yuck combo very appealing!! That one made me laugh!!!

Cally

[Chiago Mapocho]

Stephen,

I found many of your haikus moving. Particularly liked:

meadow in flower
the dog returns with frisbee
happy face first

First line made good by the twist of the phrase "in bloom". In the second line, without mentioning the N, his / her presence is established through the word "returning" and, to a lesser degree, "frisbee". "happy face first" gives a good picture while at the same time establishing the bond between the dog and the N. Better yet, "happy" and "first" implies that it has many other "faces" as well, i.e: layers of emotions. Wonderful!

plink! a pause, then plink!
plink! in the darkened kitchen
summer sealed in jars

I rather like this one. The picture of three thrings dropped into the jar is good, as is the analogy /synechdoce and pars pro toto of the three things bringing summer--or some part of the summer essence--with them / summer being in the three things / three things being summer. There's a difference in each of these, and that freedom is what makes this good, imo.

golden orb weaver
goldenrod, golden summer
sun in September

First off, alliteration connects just the right words here. "summer" gets linked to "sun", and "september , in a way "summer / moon" wouldn't, because of the associative power of alliteration. The good thing about it is that it makes the last line both a line of its own, and what belongs to "golden summer". Good wordplay in this one--a haiku whose force grows outwards, demanding rereads.


Best regards,
Mapocho

(PS: Hope you or Lee don't mind this. Just wanted to tell you why some of these worked so well for me.)

[This message has been edited by Chiago Mapocho (edited October 19, 2008).]

[Henrietta kelly]

hallo ! Stephen is that the Emperor's seal I see?

0.02 bid for the seal ~~ henie

but I do like the drawing
I see a drowned man caught on a branch his shape distorted by the water.

[This message has been edited by Henrietta kelly (edited October 19, 2008).]

[Cally Conan-Davies]

Steve,

I simply have to agree with Chiago! I love the 'happy face first' - the way it refers to everything! the flowers, the dog, the N/consciousness - the whole day! Delightful. Joy.

And all the others Chiago referred to - that 'plink' sound is so familiar - I love the synesthesia in this one.

And I have to tell you I feel a special affection for the 'king of infinite space'! Allusion - YAY!!!

And the 'in love' one - what I love about yours is the humour. There's something in haiku that I find beguilingly hilarious! I mean, most times when I attempt one, I find myself chuckling away, and I can't feel serious! This significant humour is the standout feature of your haiku, I think.

Thanks for the sheer pleasure.

Cally

[Jan Iwaszkiewicz]

Four of mine from Haiku Dreaming:

flood tide
mangroves walk into deeper water

drought
the last bullet
shines

Lone Pine
a seagull crying

cave wall
the outline of an empty hand

and one yet unpublished:

poppies
blood relatives
somewhere

n.b. Lone Pine http://www.awm.gov.au/units/event_71.asp
cave wall http://www.marwood.net.au/grampians.htm



[This message has been edited by Jan Iwaszkiewicz (edited October 19, 2008).]

[Lee Gurga]

Originally posted by Peter Coghill:
Can't not stick my head in and say thankyou for the comments. The mosquito haiku is delightful,
Peter

My pleasure, Peter! I loooooooove that haiku! Lee