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  #11  
Old 09-25-2011, 02:21 PM
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Too right, Frank. And Jayne, I have made certain adjustments giving me an aaaa set of rhymes which I like mightily.
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  #12  
Old 09-25-2011, 02:38 PM
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What a treat to see a master at work! I love this one, John.
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  #13  
Old 09-25-2011, 02:41 PM
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Frank's idea is great, John. You could just substitute 'cloak' for 'coat' and keep 'his' in that line, but I'd try to lose one of them in the 'glasses' line.

I'm tickled by the notion that 'bifocals' might be going too far... in a poem about Death knocking on your door and talking to you?!
Don't forget, the Grim Reaper's 'an ancient shag' too, so his eyesight must be failing a bit by now

My husband fell about laughing when I read this out to him. He regrets even more that he was away on business and didn't get to meet you when you stayed here! You've gotta come back again, John

PS I took so long to finish this post (dinner was ready) that you've already posted a revision I haven't looked at yet.

Last edited by Jayne Osborn; 09-25-2011 at 02:43 PM.
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  #14  
Old 09-25-2011, 02:52 PM
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Oh, no John, no John, no....

the 'lips and fingertips' was heaps better than the 'bones' and 'tones'.

(Pete says you can't come back and stay unless you re-instate those former rhymes )
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  #15  
Old 09-25-2011, 02:56 PM
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Ann Drysdale Ann Drysdale is offline
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Forgive me - I posted a poem here and have since realised that I have offered it elsewhere. The Oldie can't have it unless the editor of the journal I sent it to decides not to take it. Posting it here in those circumstances probably constitutes vanity posting, so I've removed it. Sorry.

Last edited by Ann Drysdale; 09-26-2011 at 04:07 AM. Reason: Retrospective contrition. See the amended post.
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  #16  
Old 09-25-2011, 03:04 PM
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He was not where He said He’d be.
I left my card and told His man
That I'd be back. He said to me:
You’ll catch Him only as catch can.

He’s up, He’s down, He’s in-between.
He’s never out and never in.
His Lordship’s face is never seen,
But you can always try again,

Though no one knows where He has gone
These twenty centuries and more.
But, still, we leave the hall-light on.

With that he bowed and shut the door.

He’s here? He’s there? He’s everywhere?
Such curious conduct casts a pall!
Now home, I seek my comfy chair
To wait, unchosen, for His call.
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  #17  
Old 09-25-2011, 03:14 PM
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I think Jayne's right, John.
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  #18  
Old 09-25-2011, 05:04 PM
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What. Two of you. I shall have to reconsider. Damn.
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  #19  
Old 09-25-2011, 05:20 PM
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Keep the lips and tips, John, so Pete will let you visit him and Jayne. The number of "his"s was off my radar.
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  #20  
Old 09-25-2011, 05:28 PM
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John, if you know what's good for you you'll take Mary's advice. Pete's cooking is better than most professional chefs', I absolutely promise you. (I can't remember what I gave you to eat but, trust me, you missed out last time!)
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