[John Whitworth]

I think, Susan, that your nit is quite a big one. I would never rhyme Van Gogh with anything for the same reason. I've no idea how it is pronounced - certainly not 'Van Goff' which is what we say, or 'Van Goe' which seems to be preferred by Americans. Tricky language Dutch.

There are those who pronounce it Van Goff
But I think that's decidedly off
And as for Van Go,
That's bollocks, you know.
It's more of a guttural cough.

[Chris O'Carroll]

Thanks for the thought, Jayne. I had a non-winning horse in this race under my own name, and nothing under any other. And I've never written a book about college fraternities.

(Susan, there must be places in the British Isles where "cream" is pronounced to rhyme with "Haim." English is spoken in a dizzying variety of not always mutually intelligible dialects.)

[Susan d.S.]

And if not, Chris, I'm sure "Heem" is pronounced "Heem" in most English-speaking countries!

John, if you wish to say "van Gogh" properly, you must make a phlegmy eruption out of both "g"s: "eghchhh"!

It takes years of practice, although the Dutch climate helps. As far as I know there is no rhyme word for it, not in Dutch either.

[Ann Drysdale]

I was taught to pronounce it by a Frisian poet I read with at StAnza. It was sort of FON HOOCH (with the first H heavily aspirated, the OO short, as in English "look" and the CH formed half by a Scottish "loch" and half an attempt to clear the throat of something unusual).

But that's probably Frisian dialect.

I have no rhymes to offer.

[John Whitworth]

Cream is pronounced craim in parts of Ireland.

[Jerome Betts]

Nice limerick, John. I think Susan once told me throat specialists flourish in Holland and I can well believe it after hearing what they do to an unassuming little word like 'weg'. (Macerate it somewhere in the back of the mouth and then spit the bits out).

Whatever the merits of the winner, I thought Colin Wood's vegan offering was neatly hilarious and worthy of the web equivalent of being cut out and pasted in a scapbook. No doubt you need to scant or swallow a syllable to deal with 'testicular' in the last line, but that's one helpful feature of BE.

[Brian Allgar]

Well, he may not be "one of ours", but this seems an appropriate moment to answer some of the questions that were posed in this thread at the time.

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The winner of this year’s Literary Review Grand Poetry Prize, sponsored by The Mail on Sunday, is so secretive his family know he has entered a competition only when he wins one.

Nick Syrett is a diplomat in the Foreign Office, and he maintained his low profile by being in Washington DC on business when his prize was awarded at a lunch in London’s Fitzroy Square where guests included Sir Tim Rice and Mail on Sunday editor Geordie Greig.

Nick’s wife Nina was presented with the £5,000 cheque by Samantha Bond, an actress familiar to Government operations abroad through her role as Miss Moneypenny in the Pierce Brosnan James Bond films. Nina, 50, said at the lunch: ‘All Nick ever says about writing poems is, “Can you think of another word for. . .?”

Miss Bond read out Nick’s poem, Jan de Heem, which he wrote when the Literary Review asked contributors for poems that were recipes in verse form. The prize was created 22 years ago by the Literary Review’s late editor Auberon Waugh for poems that ‘rhyme, scan and make sense’.

This is the last year it will be sponsored by The Mail on Sunday. Literary Review editor Nancy Sladek said: ‘We have had very generous support from The Mail on Sunday for many years and we are profoundly grateful for this.’

Nick, 51, who was awarded the Order of St Michael and St George in 2008, has represented Britain in countries such as Colombia, Angola and Kenya.

The Syretts, who have 15-year-old twins, Tabitha and Luke, now live in Broad Town in Wiltshire. ‘It’s a house with literary connections,’ said Nina, explaining they had bought it from Mail on Sunday book critic Craig Brown and his author wife Frances Welch.
Dominic Connolly

SECRETIVE: Diplomat Nick Syrett’s family know that he has entered a competition only when he wins it

[Graham King]

Originally Posted by Susan d.S.

Just one tiny Dutch nit about the "Jan de Heem" poem (LL18 and 20). "de Heem" does not rhyme with "cream" if you pronounce it correctly! It's pronounced "de Haim" (!)

Yup... I do approve your attention to detail! I wonder if changing cream to crème would have helped matters? (Would a jug of crème be likely on such a feast-table?) Of course, it's academic now...