[John Whitworth]

I was talking about them as human beings, Jerome. I've no interest i him as a politician or her as an economist. It was the way he traded in his wife for a younger model that stuck in my craw. As for John Major, that was just adultery pure and simple and I have to say that Edwina was a cracker! He did a Boris, you might say. She never did tell us about his underpants, did she?

[Jerome Betts]

Yes, John, we obviously come to this from very different perspectives, so back to the comp and your nimble Roman death precedent. (Though I must say I think Boris is a bit too mired and Maired at the moment to serve as a defence for John Major's risible if human hypocrisy.)

Roman Bathos

When soaring debts and bad reviews
Had sickened Scabro with the Muse,
He took a bath, to lyre and harp,
And then a stylus, razor-sharp . . .
O cream of Senecan conclusions!
The critics damned his last effusions.

[John Whitworth]

Nice one, Jerome. I think this must be the way to go.

The odd thing that the Mair does not seem to have damaged Boris in the least. The spite was too evident. Mair seems to think Boris is anti-gay because he is right wing, which is not true at all.

[Brian Allgar]

Police investigated an incident last night on the A22, where they found a distressed Mr Albert Lott standing in the road next to the life-sized statue of a woman.

According to Mr Lott, he and his wife had been told to leave the city, notorious as a hotbed of sin and depravity, and warned never to look back. “But she wouldn’t listen, would she? Had to have one last glance at Eastbourne, and this is the result.”

Forensic scientists confirmed that the figure was composed of sodium chloride. When asked what he would do with his wife’s remains, Mr Lott broke down, and said: ”Don’t have much choice, do I? She’ll have to be ground up and kept in a cruet.”

A spokesman for the NHS said: “Let’s hope this tragic event will help to drive home the message that too much salt is bad for the human body.”

[John Whitworth]

Another limerick:

I consider those nightly spectaculars
Indulged in by all of the Draculas,
Proof that high protein diets
Plus resting in quiet's
Results can be truly miraculous!

[John Whitworth]

And another. Students of my complete oeuvre - and I am sure there are hundreds of you out there - will see this is a retread of a much longer, and quite brilliant poem.

King Lear Limerick

Consider the case of King Lear.
The blight on his royal career
Was caused by carousing,
Unsuitable housing,
And terrible weather that year.

[John Whitworth]

And you can put these together - in 87 words.

Bathos in Three Acts

Julius, the first of the Caesars,
Was killed by a bunch of bad geezers,
Which shows, I suppose,
That that's how it goes
When you share your initials with Jesus.

Then consider those nightly spectaculars
Indulged in by all of the Draculas,
Proof that high protein diets
Plus resting in quiet's
Results can be truly miraculous!

And lastly, the case of King Lear.
The blight on his royal career
Was caused by carousing,
Unsuitable housing,
And terrible weather that year.

[basil ransome-davies]

There's also the case of Othello,
A vain and self-flattering fellow,
And like all such fellas
So easily jealous.
He should have been laid-back and mellow.

[basil ransome-davies]

Remember the evil Macbeth,
Whose middle name might have been 'Death',
A murderous Thane
With a paranoid brain?
Perhaps he was on crystal meth.

[John Whitworth]

We ought to go into partnership, Bazza.