[R. Nemo Hill]

I dislike the use of the sonnet couplet as a sort of punchline.
And I find this one a series of predictable cliches.
Oh yes, I know, that is part of its plan--but even that plan I find too much of a cliche.

Nemo

[James Thomas]

What a well-crafted poem, indeed. Beautufully managed meter, and i love the slight tinkering with the rhyme scheme to make the old new, but not too new. Terrific conversational, colloquial, warm, funny voice. Very pleasing irony in the resolution indeed. Touching.
I do have a major problem however with that very, to me, false sounding note in "cause." First, to read it aloud as spelled is just wrong, nobody contracts "because" to "cause," with the long ""aw" vowel that that spelling requires. It's cuz or something else equally unsatisfying. Second, thevwriter seems to have made this wrong (again, to my ear) choice to keep from going hendecasyllabic on us, but whats wrong with 11 once in a while? If you need the one syllable in tht position for rhythmic purposes, as well you might, then i think you need something else. Anyway, this could be cavilling.
Its a very enjoyable sonnet, my favorite by far so far in a fine batch of poems. Thanks to the judges and poets alike.

[Martin Rocek]

I'm pretty much in agreement with Roger on this--too slow to get started. I did
understand the ending as Gail had, so that wasn't an issue for me, and I'm sure the
writer will say that being generic in the octet is the point, but it leaves me disappointed.

But perhaps this is because I just saw the film that one critic said "set the parameters
that came to make up film noir": Shanghai Express. Of course, Marlene Dietrich is never frail.

[Maryann Corbett]

Originally Posted by Roger Slater

I just read Gail's comment and I must say that I hadn't understood that the "you" in L14 was her married lover. Gail is right, of course, but my take was that the speaker was a lonely man and "you" was not a particular person but a generalized luckier person who had managed to find himself a wife while our speaker never did. I do much prefer Gail's reading, so my suggestion would be to prepare the ground a bit more before the final couplet so that dense people like me can be better oriented.

Forgive the digression: This is an interesting problem and one we should talk about later. How does the poet get the reader to make the right assumptions about the sex of the poem's I? Do we all tend to impose our own gender on an I without other cues?

But as I said, that's for later....

[Tim Murphy]

I assumed the narrator was male. I'm sorry Nemo doesn't like it, but that doesn't diminish my respect for it.

[Susan McLean]

I enjoyed it. I like how the ending gives a different perspective on what has gone before, helping to pin down both the gender and the attitude of the main character. Perhaps "tipped" would be a good word to use instead of "upped," less likely to be misunderstood.

Susan

[S. A. Wyatt]

I mostly agree with Nemo on this one. I appreciate the craft, but I don't really feel anything when I read it. It's not the poem, though - it's me. This just isn't my kind of flick.

[Mary McLean]

I like the surprise ending, though it does seem a lot of set-up to get there. I agree that "cause" is awkward, but otherwise it's very smooth. Admirable craft.

[Michael Follow]

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[Woody Long]

Michael--

I agree with your characterization of film noir, but thought I would mention one of the exceptions that immediately came to mind, "The Strange Loves of Martha Ivers", 1946. If you haven't seen it & might, don't look at IMDB, which has something of a spoiler right up front.

I haven't seen it in years and I forget whether it uses a very long flash-forward or a flashback. It is not in any way, despite some almost sympathetic treatment of the characters, a tear jerker.

--Woody