[Julie Steiner]

I'm letting this sink in some more, but wanted to make a quick typo correction:

deux ex machina —> deus ex machina

Unless you're making some sort of binary pun with the French word for "two".

[Alexandra Baez]

Tony, I really like this, with or without the new first sonnet. To me, the second one stands on its own, and its compactness is the very essence of its charm and effectiveness. Throughout both sonnets, there’s unrelenting eloquence, deftness, tautness, texture, and depth.

In the first, I just wondered what “O” refers to until I saw Glenn’s decoding of it.

In the second, I took “synth” to mean “the synthetic”—close to what you intended, though not exactly. In any case, I don’t think you should let the relative obscurity of this word discourage you from using it, because it’s singularly apt here for the reasons you cited, and its etymology leads a reader in the right direction, at least.

I think that the off-meter of “doorjambs” works well in the context of doors being unscrewed from them.

I appreciate the subtle allusion to the Tyger and Blake’s theodicy. Most of the other allusions you mention passed over my conscious awareness, but I felt them resonating on a general mythic level.

To me, this is the most muscular, original, and driven poem—in two parts--about AI that I have yet come across. And of course, you know they’re the rage right now.

[Tony Barnstone]

Hi All!

Thanks for the notes.

Glenn, you are "grokking" the poem quite well. Underworld, undermind, unconscious, Hades, all get lumped together in Jung and the descent to confront the shadow self (monster) and reascent carrying the treasure of integrated self, something that he also sees as the brain/womb giving birth to the brainchild of creativity, but I do see this as more apocalyptic, so if a third sonnet ascends it won't be integrated and positive but closer to Yeats's beast slouching toward Bethlehem to be born.

And yes, you caught my stolen pun! Blake's "London," but also Frost's "Design," both use a pun on the O. Fr. "apalir," to make pale, to blanch with fear, the "design of darkness to appall" manifested in the white spider on the white heal-all eating the white moth. Did Frost get it from Blake? Probably.

Alexandra, thanks for the vote of confidence!

Julie, I think that typo was in the original, but I shd probably fix it to keep it from thudding--thanks!

Jan, looking forward to your circling back.

Best, Tony

[Susan McLean]

Tony, in the second sonnet, L7, I think "death" doesn't quite fit your argument, which seems to be about what is inanimate. Would you consider something like "Who built life out of lifelessness, this room"? Death always suggests a previous living state.

Susan

[Tony Barnstone]

Susan,

You are right on. That line has been bothering me, too. Let me think on it! Thanks, T