[Susan McLean]

Roger, in the description of her tennis serve and her driving, I was not trying to suggest that she was doing them in an emotional way. She was good at doing both, but calm and controlled. She never lost her cool or got angry.

Susan

[Hilary Biehl]

The tennis serve and the driving are hints towards that suppressed passion, I think, but I don't know if that's a problem. Does a sonnet's turn have to be totally unanticipated, with no preparation early in the poem? (That's a real question, I'm not sure.)

[Susan McLean]

Hilary, I see the tennis serve and the driving as unexpected, given her outwardly bland and unexceptional exterior. I think the piano playing adds a whole different dimension, so it feels like a turn to me. Sonnets have such variety that I don't think one can be very prescriptive about what they can do.

Susan

[David Callin]

Originally Posted by Susan McLean

What I am trying to suggest is that the silence and control of her life on the surface gave no hint of the passionate emotion that came out in the music she played. Nothing else gave away anything of what might be going on beneath the surface. So, yes, I was moved by the music, but also astonished that my mother had that hidden beneath her surface.

Susan, first of all, I like the poem, but I'm not getting much sense of a turn in the sonnet either. All of the things you describe about your mother seem parts of a life well lived. There is a sense of deepening, when you turn to the music, but it doesn't come as a surprise to me - there's no "Well, I would never have expected that" moment which, perhaps, you are hoping for.

It's a lovely tribute to your mother. Would it work better in a form in which your readers are not looking for a turn as such?

I only wonder.

Cheers

David

[Jim Moonan]

.
Another beauty.

You've couched this in such a way as to intimate all mothers are a mystery, imo —though others may not agree. It certainly is true in my case.

You've captured so much of her essence, it feels, and in such an adroit way. One doesn't need to know that it refers specifically to your mother. It reaches further and whispers as are we all.

These lines made me smile:

she knew / intricate routes and drove them fast, outracing / yellow lights.

Unspoken speaks to the music that ends the poem. I really love that thought. However, I'm not certain that should be the title.

-

[Susan McLean]

David and Jim,
Your comments have made me wonder whether men and women read this poem differently, or whether I have not managed to convey adequately that suppression is painful. In some people, the pain turns to vinegar; in some, to a pearl. For me, there are overtones of sadness to emotion that can only be expressed through music, even though the music itself is very beautiful. Perhaps I am seeing a turn here that is visible only to me.

Susan

[Hilary Biehl]

I don't know, Susan, I see the turn. It's subtle, I think, but there.

Your comment about pearl reminds me of an Emily Dickinson poem that I particularly love, "She rose to His Requirement."

[Susan McLean]

Hilary, yes, that Dickinson poem conveys the mixed feelings and paradox that I am trying for, too.

Susan

[Roger Slater]

Originally Posted by Susan McLean

David and Jim,
Your comments have made me wonder whether men and women read this poem differently.
Susan

It was Julie who first raised the question about the turn.

[Susan McLean]

Roger, I didn't mean to suggest that all men read the poem one way and all women read it a different way, just that, on average, women may be more conscious of why a woman of that time would keep silent about any frustrations she felt about her lack of options commensurate with her talents.

Susan