[Susan McLean]

Have you considered "intercession" as a rhyme? I'm not a fan of "deaccession." It is likely to stump readers.

Susan

[Julie Steiner]

Revised S6:

Self-as-Muse? Mere superstition.
Show, don't tell of, self-possession.
Brief and baffling’s your ambition.
Wit and music, deaccession —
     poets please no more.

Thanks, Susan. I did consider "intercession" in connection with Muses at one point, but I decided I liked S2's "session" better, and would like to avoid the identity rhyme. (I consider "deaccession" to be "-xession" rather than "-session.")

As a former librarian, I guess I've used the word "deaccession" more than most. When removing older or less-circulated books in order to create room for new acquisitions, "deaccession" sounds more neutral (and less like outright censorship) than "cull" or "purge." I suppose the inversion of the verb and objects in "Wit and music, deaccession" won't help people unfamiliar with the word to crack its exact meaning. But in the context of the final repetend's statement that poets no longer aim to please, I hope the general gist that the inclusion of wit and music in poems is a lower priority than formerly comes through.

I tried to organize the poem like this: the four sentences of the first quatrain each get expanded upon in the four quatrains that quote them as repetends. Then the four sentences of the final quatrain summarize those gloss stanzas. That outline is not an actual requirement of the rondeau redoublé form, and trying to do that (which might not even be noticed) ties my hands a little more in terms of what works where. But without some sort of logical structure, it's just a tediously long form for no discernible reason, isn't it?

[Yves S L]

Hello Julie,

Within my interpretation, the main technical challenge of this poem is to not make it sound like you are writing filler; or, why should the poem continue on after the first stanza? Within how I framed the challenge of the poem, I really feel the poem needs a better second stanza. If you cannot find something better, then even swapping stanzas two and three would improve the poem (a lull is less noticeable when hidden in the middle of the form).

Yeah!

[Julie Steiner]

Thanks, Yves. New S2 posted above.

I share your interpretation that this poem can't afford any filler, and you've pushed me toward a second stanza that I like much better now. Much appreciated!