[Jayne Osborn]

I mean for the poem to come off as playful.

Sorry, Jim, but it just doesn't - as others who've responded have said, one way or another, using words like "dark" and "toxic".

I didn't think for one minute, I hasten to add, that you have an unhappy marriage, but poems aren't always autobiographical; because this one is, if you want it to be read as light-hearted, then you have to give readers a hint, or some clues, of the true nature of the relationship!

S1 is a bit menacing (we don't know any different, remember ) so I think it would work really well if you lighten it up in S2.

Jayne

[Trevor Conway]

Hi Jim,

I find myself struggling to find the point of writing the poem. I do like some snapshot poems, but I think this one needs to linger a lot longer on the detail in order to pay off. Your reference to snaking her tongue between her lips to chase the last sweet smear is the model to follow here, I think. Wallow in that detail and other similar details rather than the more literal parts like "I told her again", "I'm always too late", "she shrugs" and the ending, which felt bland to me in comparison.

How about simply "Jam" as a title? It sounds more interesting to me then "Her Jam".

All the best,

Trev

[Glenn Wright]

Hi, Jim—

I found myself being fascinated by this simple transaction, wondering what the relationship is between the N and the knife-licking woman and what their exchange means about their relationship.

My first impression was that she was the N’s wife or girlfriend, deliberately teasing him with a provocative action to get his attention. It then occurred to me that by sweetening her mouth, she might be inviting him to kiss her. His failure to respond to her overture explains the curtness of her response. The knife suggests a desire to do something dangerous and exciting, but he is simply not interested.

The second possibility that occurred to me is that the girl is the N’s daughter, testing the rules that her father has established to protect her and finding him powerless to stop her from indulging in risky behaviors.

In both cases there is a definite darkness in the relationship. My advice is to lean into it.

Glenn