[Marybeth Rua-Larsen]

As someone who practices this form on a regular basis, I admire this one greatly. The repeating word -- leaves -- is well chosen and utilized inventively. And like Maryann, I'm most impressed that the writer uses a traditional rhyme scheme (most that I've read don't use a rhyme scheme, though the final couplet is rhymed) and makes clear points in stanzas -- tricky stuff handled very well. I can see why the writer didn't utilize true rhyme in the final couplet -- to mirror the emotional dissonance in the poem, and because there's a rhyme scheme here anyway -- but I miss it. And I guess the last line was the one spot where I wanted to hear the writer's voice clearly, rather than just another echo of Shakespeare. Very well done indeed, though.

Marybeth

[FOsen]

I admire the attempt, but it really seems like a procrustean form within which to work.

[Catherine Chandler]

I believe this one follows the form and is cleverly written. However, it gets tiresome after awhile.

[Alexander Grace]

I think this is rather splendid. At first I did not think so, for all the usual reasons, but as I read it over, I see that it is an exquisite thing, deeply so. A perfect tangle, of language and intertextuality and truth and feeling. Of course, I don't believe the suggestion of the penultimate line is one's only choice.

Alex

[Alan Sullivan]

Sonnenizio is new to me. Too much constraint. I think it would be almost impossible to do anything worthwhile in this form. It is an exercise, and a well-executed one in this instance, but no more than that.

Alan

[Janice D. Soderling]

Here is another one I have not commented and it deserves to get a huge bouquet also for the elegance of its crafting.

Sonnenizio is a form I have never tried, I am not sure that it will ever pop up at the top of my list, maybe when I am old and gray and full of sleep, and have run out of ideas.

I admire this one though. It was a delight to read and re-read.

Much appreciated.

Janice

[David Rosenthal]

Originally posted by John Hutchcraft:
I'm not too big a fan of this one....

Tricky. Very tricky.

David R.

[John Hutchcraft]

Originally posted by David Rosenthal:
Tricky. Very tricky.

I didn't think you folks
Would mind a little hoax.

[David Rosenthal]

All right then, I am going to expose you. John's crit above -- posted before we knew he was the poet at the top of the thread -- was disguised. Here it is again with proper lineation:

Originally posted by John Hutchcraft:

I'm not too big a fan of this one. Yes,
it's clever in its way, well-phrased in spots -
but under so much self-imposed duress,
no wonder that it can't quite squeeze its thoughts
into the form. The couplet feels tacked on.
The IP wobbles every couple feet.
I don't care for the slant rhyme in S1.
And in L8, "relief" looks like a cheat.
The title makes no sense - is N a "rake"?
Oy vey. Not only is that pun a groaner,
but it makes light, I think, of what's at stake
for N, who comes off as a whiny loner.
Form is its biggest strength, and biggest fault.
One man's opinion! Take with the usual salt.

Nicely done John. I especially like how "relief" is still in L8! It wouldn't take much to make this stand alone. Is it too late to change my vote?

David R.

[David Anthony]

Fucking brilliant.
Well done.