[Lee Gurga]

Originally posted by Chiago Mapocho:
native grasses
bending slow
an old woman

Henriette, I like that one a lot except for "slow". I know you want it to do double duty to the old woman and the grass. Perhaps, which would also add the element of wind:

native grasses
bending west
and old woman

That actually does a tripple duty.

PS, Seree: found yours very good as well. The technique reminds me of Yugen with the last line, and Wabi with the overall mood. I too, though, wondered about "charged". IMO, you're one word away from exquisite.

Two inspired ones while I still have the chanse:

ash wedensday
moonspear on sunflowers'
testudoed heads

dawn to nepal evening
milk bottles
filled with yak shadow

(or:

first december
a nepal moon
under a cow's udder

/

sunset
nepal sun drinking
under a cow's udder)

Just one response to

native grasses
bending west
and old woman

this is by Al Pizzarelli from The Haiku Anthology, ed. Cor van den Heuvel:

the fat lady
bends over the tomatoes
a full moon

Forgive me! I couldn't resist!

Lee

[Lee Gurga]

Originally posted by Stephen Collington:
If I have to judge it, does that mean I can't win the prize? Not fair! Lee, I have your Haiku: A Poet's Guide (hint, folks, hint!), but I would love to have one of your collections.

Anyway, I'm quoting this so that everyone will see. Folks, let's keep him to his promise here--it's an opportunity not to be missed!

Here's my attempt. Even if I can't win, I can at least console myself with the thought that I tried:

flushed but unflustered
and cheerfully popping back
to stay . . . undeterred

*

Here we go, folks. The Master Class thread is now also officially the Swirly Turd Bake-Off thread! Pile 'em on!

Steve C.

Steve, I don't want to deny you a taste (yuk!) of glory! I will find another judge. I will see if Charlie Trumbull, who is now editor of MH is around. I am sure he would enjoy making a selection.

Lee

P.S. I will follow Steve's lead and recommend my own book! Seriously now, the copyright is owned by Modern Haiku Press, which is a not for profit, so i don't get anything out of it except i have to take them to the post office. we usually sell them for US$20 postpaid. if anyone is actually interested, for US orders $15 to MHP, POB 68, Lincoln, IL 62656 will do it. For foreign orders, the postage would be more, so let's make it $18 in U bills. You might be interested in hearing that we are almost through our second 1000 and will have to reprint it again after the first of the year.

[Stephen Collington]

Originally posted by Lee Gurga:
in fact, i believe other readings are possible. here's one: the pregnancy is completely unexpected and that the 'he' of the poem has been ambushed, after a fashion: he is at her place and she has given him something to eat (please note only one bowl)to settle him in for the news. so please choose which reading you would like--or perhaps even another.

Hi Lee,

Yes, I can see it. And yes, "empty" makes perfect sense in that case.

It's a funny thing: we sometimes get attached to our own readings of poems as much as we get attached to our poems. I guess my thing with "empty" was just that it seemed to close off (or at least, leave less room for) the interpretation of the poem that I preferred. I wanted to see it as a happy "expectant" scene, and "empty" seemed to preempt that possibility. (I can't get away from the puns this morning, it seems.) As you say though, the poem may have other designs entirely--or at least, be every bit as determined to open itself to multiple readings as readers are determined to find their own preferred interpretation. And that's always a point well taken.

Anyway, as for turds in the pool, watch out! We're a regular flotilla of them around here.

Ducking out!
Steve C.

[Lee Gurga]

Originally posted by Seree Zohar:
Lee -

earthworms charged

I had 2-3 different images in mind, but wanted to imply that the fresh mound is what charges the earthworm's activity (whether the mound is a recent burial, or turning the earth in very early spring, or whatever else)

not working?

I am afraid maybe you are trying to do too much here?

Lee

[Lee Gurga]

Originally posted by Stephen Collington:
Hi Lee,

Yes, I can see it. And yes, "empty" makes perfect sense in that case.

It's a funny thing: we sometimes get attached to our own readings of poems as much as we get attached to our poems. I guess my thing with "empty" was just that it seemed to close off (or at least, leave less room for) the interpretation of the poem that I preferred. I wanted to see it as a happy "expectant" scene, and "empty" seemed to preempt that possibility. (I can't get away from the puns this morning, it seems.) As you say though, the poem may have other designs entirely--or at least, be every bit as determined to open itself to multiple readings as readers are determined to find their own preferred interpretation. And that's always a point well taken.

Anyway, as for turds in the pool, watch out! We're a regular flotilla of them around here.

Ducking out!
Steve C.

Steve, speaking of reading/misreading, here is haiku of mine:

the smell of the iron
as i come down the stairs
winter evening

this was in an anthology issued as a children's book a while back, edited, by the way, by Bill Higginson. The poem is about the smell of an iron for ironing clothes, as i hope the reader would immediately see. but the illustrator for the book, a young woman from san francisco, illustrated the poem with an outdoor staircase with an iron rail covered with snow. boy, did i feel like an anachronism!

Lee

[Lee Gurga]

Originally posted by Seree Zohar:
Lee -

earthworms charged

I had 2-3 different images in mind, but wanted to imply that the fresh mound is what charges the earthworm's activity (whether the mound is a recent burial, or turning the earth in very early spring, or whatever else)

not working?

Or maybe, Seree, it is that "charged" is an interpretation. perhaps you could let the earthworms speak for themselves?

Lee

[Henrietta kelly]

my rewrite with accent for the toilet-

dawns dunny dinner
little blister with big sister
way down in the dump


Lets raise up the anti
Full house flush lay down
Ace it with stoned face


people --


I think I’m getting false praise for Callys work "the old lady and the grasses one" I did a line change for her, my crap is still near the top of page 6 if anyone can bear to take a look that far back.
I am missing posts as well. And I hate missing reading anything in this thread

thanks-- henie

[Stephen Collington]

Originally posted by Lee Gurga:
Here is a haiku from our basement last summer!

dog days of summer
one by one the snail consumes
the wine labels

Psst. Fellow gastropods! Good times in Lee's wine cellar!

*

Hi Folks,

Lee sent me this to post on his behalf, since he wasn't sure of the tech details involved in uploading images. (He may have been worried that we wouldn't believe him otherwise.)

Anyway, talk about gourmet. Lee has his own little breeding stock of pre-soaked escargots in the wine cellar.

Bon appetit!

Steve C.

[Henrietta kelly]

lee just saw this request to fiddle-- so i did

spoon in the empty bowl
you teach me how to read
the pregnancy test

I think you are missing a perfect opportunity to bring in a new image that of the Grail in place of bowl .

I think this meets all the requirements and gives a result of positive in this case.~~henie


Filling the rich grail
Test of survival what joy
you help with results

[David Rosenthal]

Lee,

All right, I confess that the strict 5-7-5 and the complete sentences are irresistible compulsions for which I have little defense. I will say they are useful constraints in the first stages of composition for me in that they help me dig for word choice and keep the imagery to a necessary minimum. But you are convincing me to drop them during revision. Excuse me now while I go back over every haiku I have ever written and try to re-flush the turds.

Thanks again Lee, sometimes I need to be pushed. I am grateful.

David R.