[R. Nemo Hill]

It's much better with the corrected spacing, and I agree with Ann there there are gaps that one instinctively tries to feel and fill now, narrative lacunae that emerge from the broken rhythm of the corrected visual presentation. And that seems reflected in the need to know with which the poem ends. I think the effect of the somewhat colorless language is the whole point, even though it is a bit off-putting at first. It is a great lesson in visual choreography that this revised presentation can change the poem so much. I think it demonstrates a very sophisticated use of a tool that many poets don't even begin to utilize, because they denigrate it as mere trickery. It seems the opposite of gimmickry here, a solid technique, well-handled.

Nemo

[John Whitworth]

I like it and am willing to accept it as a sonnet. Why is in in italics? I don't much care for italics.

[Catherine Chandler]

I understand the need for the italics. They don't bother me whatsoever. The new spacing Alex has inserted does make the poem a tad more intriguing.

[Shaun J. Russell]

Originally Posted by Top Secret DG

Full disclosure: I tend to be a traditionalist. So when I first looked at this piece, my thought was "This is a sonnet?" As a reader, I probably would have passed over it with no further ado.

With ALL due respect to the DG, this statement worries me. I would hope that the DG was selected for his / her stature as a poet and critic, rather than his / her ability to do what seems to be the more political thing and try to make a broader judgment. I wish we saw the poems that resonate most with the DG, rather than a more calculated smattering.

As for this poem, I care for neither its form or content. It's not the lack of concrete imagery, so much as the lack of sonnet feel, as others have mentioned. Sure, I'd never call this a sonnet because of its form, but more importantly it just doesn't have any of the sonnet elements. Might as well call a haiku a villanelle, and a sestina a ballad.

[Eileen Cleary]

There is,
not then
This man,
but now
That needs
to live,
to know
somehow

I think my eye starts to unpack different meaning/emphasis with this spacing. The words can translocate and then return to their usual positions.

[stephenspower]

I can't say the spaces do much for me. They're trying that "We Real Cool" thing, forcing a certain cadence into the poem, but imho I think the diction and punctuation should do that. Some lines do flow better, but in others the sentence structure works against the author's line reading. That would be an interesting technique if such a tension were necessary to express another level of the poem, such as an unspoken inner conflict, but that doesn't seem to be the case here.

[Mary Meriam]

Tiny spaces make a huge difference. I really like it now.

[Gail White]

This one got off to a great start, but lost me after the first 6 lines, picking up again at the end. Might be better as a shorter poem, when the bake-off is over.

[Laura Heidy-Halberstein]

I'm sorry.

Sonnet?

Can't see it.

Not now.

No how.

[L.M. Price]

It works better for me with the spaces.