[Rob Stuart]

Bloody Orkney! I remember reading that as a boy. Marvelous stuff. Who wrote it, John?

[John Whitworth]

It was written by Captain Hamish Blair, doubtless posted there, poor fellow.

[Jayne Osborn]

Hallo Jayne. Are you there? My PC is not connecting with my printer so all I can do is type this up.

John (and all you lovely D & A people)

I'm so sorry for my absence of late! I can't think what happened regarding The Oldie comp, and why I didn't post this one up. Maybe I just didn't receive my copy of the magazine? I'm not sure.

It might sound like a pathetic excuse but I've had a lot on recently, family wise, and in addition my friend and U3A Chairman of our town, Mike, died suddenly at the end of Feb, which meant I had to step up into the position, having been Vice Chairman. Ever since I haven't managed to be here much at all... huge apologies.

I'm still struggling to keep up with everything, but will try harder!

Jayne

[John Whitworth]

Jayne, no worries on this score. I feared I had bustled in where I was not wanted. My efforts to cut and paste met with utter failure.

Best, John

[Peter Goulding]

More to remind people about this competition than anything else.

I'm leaning towards Offaly over Tipperary?

Offaly

In all my life, I ne’er did see
a county dull as Offaly.
In fact there is so little in it,
you’ll see the sights in half a minute,
unless you really want to stop
at every bricked up house and shop,
or pause to eulogise the scrub
encroaching on each roofless pub.

There is no great historic site
upon this sweep of rural blight;
no woodland glens, no ancient church;
no shrouded lake awash with perch.
The only claim that it can flout
is that it ‘pads the Midlands out’
and makes the now remoter west
a place of increased interest.

Tipperary

It’s a long, long way, so the old folk say,
to the county Tipperary.
Does your heart lie there? I should say ‘Beware,’
for opinions on that vary.
The long car ride isn’t justified
unless you are into dairy.
I was passing through but stopped for the loo
and there I met my Mary.
She was sweet and young with a sharpened tongue
and a chin that verged on hairy
and you may well scoff but she lured me off
with the wiles of a peat-bog fairy.
I was quickly hooked, ensnared and plucked
with a speed that was somewhat scary.
Oh don’t take my lead – you’ll be doomed indeed
if you stop in Tipperary.

[Orwn Acra]

I suppose I can reuse this from a similar comp a few years ago:

The Best Country

Macau! Macau! Macau! Macau!
I've never heard of you till now.
Your heraldry contains a star;
I know not where or what you are.

I loved it when you did that thing.
You have a president or king,
I guess. A notable event was when--
What country is this on again?

Macaw? Macaw? Macaw? Macaw?
That's a bird from South America
which might be near that place, or not.
Montenegro? I forgot.

[Rob Stuart]

County, Walter, not country!

[Julie Steiner]

I sent this in for 2009's "write an anthem for your county" comp, but I doubt it would do any better this time around.


Oh, the rare Torrey pines! Oh, the tourmaline mines!
The artillery booms and the fighter jet whines!
Oh, the tourist attractions’ incredible lines!
San Diego’s the county you'll know by these signs.

Oh, the cool ocean breeze! Oh, the purple-bloomed trees—
jacarandas—whose nectar attracts killer bees!
Oh, the swine flu! The bird flu! West Nile! Lyme disease!
San Diego’s the county that’s blessed with all these.

Oh, the palms’ lovely sway! Oh, June Gloom and May Gray!
Awesome winds blowing annual wildfires my way!
Oh, the real estate "bottom" proclaimed every day!
San Diego’s my county, and here I must stay.


(All this and four species of rattlesnake, too. Paradise!)

[Orwn Acra]

Originally Posted by Rob Stuart

County, Walter, not country!

Oh dear...

[John Whitworth]

It's a rather Brit-oriented competition. Easier for us to win then.