[John Whitworth]

I have, as you will see, removed the racist language from my verse. As Julie hints, the tone is inappropriate for what it is. Come to that, janet, I don't know any noughties either, meaning children under ten years old. Come on daughters - get on with it!

[R. S. Gwynn]

Thanks, Rajah. It was getting late.

[Jim Hayes]

An ABC for the Noughties.

A is for Abercrombie and Fitch,
B is for Bling and arrgnorant Bitch
C is for Cheyney, Duh, Dubya is D.
E is for Email, Eminem, Ecstasy.
F is Fox news, Facebook, Fracas,
G is for Grand theft auto and Gangsta
H is Hillary Clinton and Homer
I is for iPod, and J is the Joker.
K is Katrina, L is Linux and then
M is for all Metrosexual Men
N is for NIMBY, O is Osama,
OJ, Obamania, Ozzie and Oprah,
P is for internet Phishing and Pass-off
Q stands for Quickie, R’s ROTFLMAO,
S is for Soccer Mom, Spin doctor, Square,
T stands for Trolling, Thong, Tony Blair,
U is Up yours, Urban Cougar, Uranus,
V is Visa card, Vibrator, and Venous,
W is Wikipedia, Windows XP.
X is X- box, X-rated movie,
Y stands for You tube and Yes we can!
Z is for Zeitgeist and Zinedine Zidane.

[Roger Slater]

Well done, Jim. This may win! Correct spelling of Cheney.

[John Whitworth]

I concur with Roger.That's a goodie. And I think, I THINK, this will be a difficult comp. Have you got within the word limit? I'd give you 5 to 2, Sam 7 to 4 if he can be bothered to do something about the missing, letters. Me - no better than 10 to 1. But I'll give it a shot. Sam and Jim, mind you do. You can't win if you don't enter, something I forget when I curse my luck in the lottery.

[Roger Slater]

I counted for Jim (by pasting into Google docs) and it comes in at 144 words.

[Jim Hayes]

Ha! Every time I thought I might get a look in it never amounted to anything, and every time I thought I hadn't a chance it didn't amount to anything either.

So thanks for the kind encouragement Bob, and the very generous odds John.

And you're right, one or even twice, I forgot to enter, so that's a good tip.

[John Whitworth]

It's true, Jim. I won FIRST once with a thing I didn't think had a chance. And sure fire winners have come down in flames. It's all part of The Great Lottery of Life. All poets ought to bet on horses just to hammer this home. I don't, but then I know it anyway.

[Janet Kenny]

Very clever Jim. It ought to win whether it does or not and remember to take out the Y from the first syllable of CHENEY.

[John Whitworth]

There was a (pretty bad) writer of thrillers called Peter Cheyney. Perhaps you, Jim, read the stuff in your callow youth. After all, one read absolutely anything then. I read acres of Agatha Christie. I couldn't get through one now. How could anyone who wrote for so long continue to write so badly?