[Adrian Fry]

ANAL BEARD

A Stone Age chief, to be revered,
Would cultivate an anal beard,
Comprising hairs of different length and hue.
He’d show it off with pride to those
Who were his friends and, at his foes,
He’d brandish it that they might know who’s who.

[Brian Allgar]

Originally Posted by Adrian Fry

ANAL BEARD

A Stone Age chief, to be revered,
Would cultivate an anal beard,
Comprising hairs of different length and hue.
He’d show it off with pride to those
Who were his friends and, at his foes,
He’d brandish it that they might know who’s who.

The guy who lost, in what is now called Esher,
Was handicapped by anal alopecia.

[Martin Parker]

A Discourse On The Value of Pi

The value of Pi is not very high;
in fact it's remarkably small.
It's a little bit more than 3.14,
but it's so little more that I'm really not sure
if the "more" really matters at all.

Yet the sturm and the drang of the problems it brang
to the brains of a bunch of old Greeks
much though they mooted to de-convolute it
they could not refute it was hard to compute it
for ancient mathematical geeks.

God only knows why one needs to know Pi
to its infinitessimal decimal.
For a guess is enough for a great deal of stuff
and I think it's enough if we work "off the cuff."
So it's 3.14 -- plus a guessimal.

(Dull enough, do you reckon?)

[Rob Stuart]

Aiataibt


Acrostics are a verse form that
Invite one to divine
A word made from the letters at
The start of every line,
Assuming they’re read vertically.
I think they’re rather fun,
But tricky, so unhappily
This poem isn’t one.

[Adrian Fry]

CONFETTI AND VOMIT

Confetti and vomit
Arrayed on the payment
In abridgement of love
From first rite past estrangement.

[Susan McLean]

A Paean to Extruded Food

Oh, how I love extruded food!
Shrimp that are minced and then combined
with substances that hold them glued
in perfect curls that fool the mind;
onions that, ground up, mixed with paste,
squirted and fried in flawless O’s,
are vaguely oniony in taste;
pressurized cheese that smoothly flows
in lines piped from a metal can,
cheese one can use to write one’s name,
which tastes like no cheese known to man,
shelf-stable, constantly the same.
O triumph of modernity,
you foodstuffs of eternity!

[Roger Slater]

Swallowing Snot

The thing I hate most when I've got
a cold is most certainly not
the coughing or sneezing,
the fever or wheezing:
the worst part is swallowing snot.

[Rob Stuart]

Going to the Lavatory in Bosnia


IIf you should ever travel from the town
Of Split to fair Dubrovnik further down
The Adriatic coast, you’d better take
Your passport for the coach will need to make
Its way through several miles of coastal road
The Dayton Treaty awkwardly bestowed
Upon the folk of Bosnia. This chops
In half the nation either side and stops
Croatians passing quite as easily
From north to south as they once did. For we
Intrepid tourists this is all a plus;
Another country ticked off! Lucky us!
And briefly, in a car park by the sea,
We get to stretch our legs and have a pee.

[Roger Slater]

This Poem Sucks

The lesson I would teach you,
the moral that is vital,
the sermon I would preach you,
is always read the title!

Don't scold or lose composure.
The blame is yours alone.
I gave you full disclosure.
This sucks. You should have known.

[Brian Allgar]

What I think of bankers

You want to know
what I think of bankers?
I'd like to tell you, but
this is free verse,
so I'm not allowed to rhyme.