[Nash Mason]

I just couldn't resist = That just sounds too cool Ethan

*Capitalism*

Many scientologists
(most, left-handed)
scribbled out lists
in which they all charted
their bowling alley's disrepair.

When the thudding of hooves came
they huddled in fear
of the coming game.
The racket quickly drew near.
Some stuttered that it wasn't fair.

With an ear-murdering boom
the wall exploded.
What smashed through the room
and brutally stampeded
were quite nearly invisible.

The seven unicorn's horns
pierced many that day.
Like long bloody thorns,
more vivid with each they'd slay.
The building was soon just rubble.

The scientologists; done.
Every last one; dead.
The unicorns won,
in the end they always did.
Then they all just went home to bed.

[Ethan Anderson]

Nash,

A challenging read, but I'm puzzled by a few of your line breaks.

And though I applaud the experimentation,the disparate images fail to coalesce--in short, the whole is less than the sum of the parts.

Hope this helps. Thanks for the read.

[Tom Jardine]

This one apparently works for some and not for others.= The crackpots among you can't possibly see how good this is.

[Michael Cantor]

Cool poem i rely enjoyed thanx for posting = Okay, that makes seven. Eight more and I can post mine.

[Robert Meyer]

Michael Cantor wrote:
Cool poem i rely enjoyed thanx for posting = Okay, that makes seven. Eight more and I can post mine.

It should be spelled thus:

Kule pome-ire, Lee-Ann. Joit ankhs fur Poe. - Sting = huh?

Robert Meyer

[Mark Allinson]

This one apparently works for some and not for others.= The crackpots among you can't possibly see how good this is.

Tom,

thank you for that unnervingly accurate translation.

BTW, you might like to check out my new nittier, grittier, down-and-dirty version of "Here".

I got rid of all the Disney effects for you, and replaced them something more "real" and "modern" in tone.




------------------
Mark Allinson

[Robert Pecotte]

"Cool poem i rely enjoyed thanx for posting = Okay, that makes seven. Eight more and I can post mine."

Exactly!!! Good one Michael! Except you forgot to say "and when I post mine (rubbing sweaty palms together vigorously) the entire world will know that I am God's gift to poetry!"

[Yolanda Cruz]

Hey Nash

Much to like here (but nothing to love ).

I like this line "scribbled out lists" (but the rest is puke).

I am confused by some of your line breaks (English is a second language for you isn't it?) but that doesn't concern me as much as the worn out cliches (actually I'm worn out - long night at the pub/bar/work/home/life but I won't say that).

Yet, I'm sure if you work on this some more (say eternity) I'm sure this rough draft (which you probably did first on toilet paper) will yield a fine poem (not in this eon though).

Sorry for being so negative. (don't hurt me please).

P.S. Just to be painfully clear, I am not critiquing Nash's poem on the thread. I'm just continuing the joke topic of the thead really.


[This message has been edited by Yolanda Cruz (edited July 10, 2005).]

[Robert Pecotte]

Due to Yolanda's liberal use of stupid icons, she has been grated riplomatic impunity and Nash and all else have to eat crow and like it!

Just in case,

Fr. RP

And don't worry Yolanda; we really do believe that you are not ripping on Nash's poem located on this thread... who would dare think otherwise?

[This message has been edited by Robert Pecotte (edited July 10, 2005).]

[Tom Jardine]

Just my 2 cents worth. = Listen up guys: I have been working on poetry theory for years, I have chiseled true art out of rough marble, and if you don't want to listen, fine.