[W T Clark]

Originally Posted by W T Clark

This would go well at the beginning of a sequence. Alternatively, though it goes well with great grace, I feel that it ends before it can say very much about the Fox. Which is why it seems like a very wonderful "intro".

Hope this helps.

I feel like this was a little inadequate. What I'm saying is it's a good set-piece: but as a singular poem in isolation, much of the meaning I'm gaining from it comes from my knowledge of your other animal poems, and the postures of dark comic disenlightenment they often take. By itself, the sinical rejection that the Fox represents feels a little vague, underdone. Again, dependent upon how you see this poem in relation, that's not a problem, possibly.

Hope this helps.

[Jim Moonan]

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Originally Posted by W T Clark

What I'm saying is it's a good set-piece: but as a singular poem in isolation, much of the meaning I'm gaining from it comes from my knowledge of your other animal poems, and the postures of dark comic disenlightenment they often take. By itself, the sinical rejection that the Fox represents feels a little vague, underdone.... that's not a problem, possibly....

Well re-said. That thought occurred to me as well. I wouldn't be surprised if Matt has exactly that intention up his sleeve...

..

[R. Nemo Hill]

I hear what Cameron is saying, but I think the poem stands quite well on its own (as well as holding the potential to be a preamble).

Nemo

[Matt Q]

Cameron, Nick, Jim and Nemo

Thanks for commenting.

Nick,

Thanks for coming back. And yes, I think that revision was doing to much compared to the simplicity of "dawn comes". As it stands, I'm tempted to revert the first line to the original, even if it's one foot short. I'm struggling to find anything to add that doesn't detract from the line.

Cameron and Jim,

I'd agree that the fox is better understood -- and has more precedent -- if the poem's read in the context of the other fox poems I've been posting lately. And similarly, I think, the N's regrets and sense of loss are also filled out by those poems too (and no doubt many others I've written!). When I wrote it, I did wonder if, taken in isolation, the fox appears too much out of nowhere (and more so, I think, because the fox arrives mid-sestet). On the other hand, I figured, foxes (and wild animals, and talking animals) do come with some symbolism and precedents from myth, folklore and fairy-tale. But I do see what you mean, it's useful to know that you both had this response -- and yes, I do mostly see it as one of a number of fox poems, though it's always a bonus if the poem works in isolation too.

Nemo,

Thanks for coming back to this one, and I'm pleased it works for you as standalone poem.


Thanks again, everyone.

Matt

[Hilary Biehl]

It worked for me as a standalone piece, Matt. Of course it's usually the case that more familiarity with a poet's work throws more light on an individual poem, but I don't think this needs that extra light in order to be meaningful.

[Matt Q]

Since Cameron's comment, I've been thinking about how this poem fits with the other fox poems, which are all set in an urban environment, so I've posted an urban version.

This (maybe) also gives me a better way to fill the missing fifth foot in L1. I've also reverted a couple of the changes I made in the first revision.

Hilary,

Thanks for coming back, and good to know it works for you as a standalone piece. BTW, I've changed "perfect" back to shining in the latest version.

-Matt

[R. Nemo Hill]

Matt, I must admit a prefer the less urban mood of the landscape. Maybe that's because I live in the woods now, having left the city.
It's interesting how one's appreciation of a poem can hinge on tiny almost unconscious factors. Still, the poem may spring to life now in other brain-pans.

Nemo

[Rick Mullin]

Hi Matt,

I also prefer the morning mist to the city mist. And this is also because of my situation, which isn't as rural as Nemo's and not quite as urban as a city. I frequently see a fox materialize from morning mist in my yard. I'm not sure how a fox shows up in a city. And the time frame of morning is very important.

I like your use of the rhyming couplets and the nuances you employ to keep it moving. For example, closing the first stanza with the same word (sonically and spellingly) with it's two meanings. It's kind of a humorous admission that the steady drumbeat of rhyme can be annoying. Like, how about this!?

I also like how you throw in an internal, third rhyme with "sun"--preceding the rhyme to come.

I wonder if you can come up with one word for what the sun does to things that can eliminate the word "from".

[Jim Moonan]

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Originally Posted by R. Nemo Hill

It's interesting how one's appreciation of a poem can hinge on tiny almost unconscious factors. Still, the poem may spring to life now in other brain-pans.

Nemo

This is wisdom at its best, imo. We are miners panning for gold.

.

[Matt Q]

Nemo, Rick and Jim,

Thanks for staying with this one.

I think I agree that the countryside version works better.

Rick,

I think "morning" is fairly redundant in L1, given that it's dawn, so I wouldn't have a problem with losing it. That's the problem I'm having with with L1: The original was four feet, and I can't find anything to fill the missing foot with that really adds anything. But useful to know it adds something for you.

On finding a three-syllable word, I did have "sun haloing each one". I'll keep thinking. There's definitely something to be said for avoiding the repetition of "from".

Thanks again,

Matt