[Tom Jardine]

I am beginning to see what this poem is about. = Have you been taking your medicine?

You have written better poems than this. = You have written better poems than this in your previous life.

This poem needs a little more action, more liveliness. = How long have you been dead?

I was saddened to read this poem about the tragic, slow death of your 99 year-old father. = Well, that certainly was gruesome! Please, no more dead relative poems.

I love the many classical references in this poem. = So, I see you haven't had many real tragedies in your own life yet. Just wait.



[This message has been edited by Tom Jardine (edited July 10, 2005).]

[Alexander Grace]

Have you considered using imagery? = Have you considered not writing?

and my final offering:

This one will stay with me for a long time = Why did you have to tell me people did that to other people? Couldn't you just not tell me stuff like that? I feel sick.

[grasshopper]

What poets are you reading at the moment? : Would you recognise a book if you fell over one?

This is not as good as your 'Arabica' poem. = And that was total c**p !

I am very impressed by the obvious erudition displayed in this poem. = If there's one thing I really hate, it's a smart ass.

And my favourite response from an author:

Thank you so much for your comments. I look forward to reading one of your poems.= How DARE you give me a negative crit! As soon as you post something, I'll be waiting to tear it to pieces.

Regards, Maz

[Dan Halberstein]

There's an undeniable dark sensual undercurrent = Don't you people ever think of anything else?

I'd question your rhymes in lines 2, 4, 8, 12, and 14 = you rhymed an identical final vowel-final consonant pair. I believe the best rhymes are pairs such as "tart/moot", or better yet, "snow/biscuit."

I'm sorry, but this just isn't Deep End material = I don't know you, do I?

This is very fine = I know you, I'm pretty sure I'd better like this, and I have nothing to say, really - hence the use of the adjective "fine" that is never used this way outside of poetry boards.

This is one of your finest poems = I know you and have hated your other drek for years, so it's refreshing to really mean it when I kiss up to you for once.

Amusing, wry, witty, clever, but not truly fine = I really like this, but I don't know you

This admittedly slight piece = I like this poem, I don't know you, but I've got something positive to say about the poem, and I want to do so without pissing off the Truly Fine.

Congratulations! = Why bother with a crit? I'm tired, it didn't suck too bad, and we've been in the same circle jerk since '92.

Thank you for the insightful read = you will die now

You make a good point = You are truly a gibbon among tree sloths, in this meeting of the mindless we call a thread

Thanks for taking the time to comment = although somehow I think it unlikely that you have trouble clearing out your hectic social schedule

You've got a finely attuned, natural ear = (and the intelligence of lichen)

This reminds me of something Sam Gwynn once told me = I know Sam Gwynn I know Sam Gwynn hey everybody I know Sam Gwynn

Just my two cents = I can't go on yammering about this rot without end, Jesus, just take the point and move on

I've taken the liberty of fiddling with some lines = you almost found your voice there - thank GOD I was here to get you to what you REALLY want to say

;(

Dan

[VictoriaGaile]

Thanks for the detailed read = You're a bit obsessive-compulsive, aren't you.

Have you thought about adding a final couplet, and making this a sonnet? = I don't care what Alan Sullivan says, sonnets are where it's at.

[Janet Kenny]

Gawd, I say a lot of the above but I never mean the snide, unkind subtexts. There are only so many ways of saying thank you.

The times I feel most vulnerable are when I admit that I like a poem. For some reason that isn't acceptable--or it is, only when at least one suggestion for an alteration accompanies it. That seems to be more "serious" than well-considered approval.

Adult poets can write better than any poet on the forum.
Janet

[Nash Mason]

I think it's silly to suggest alteration when you don't honestly believe it is needed, in fact its counter-productive and defeats the purpose of the sometimes brutally honest crits here.

I see your point though, in this environment Janet, but I think it would be better to pick apart what you like about a piece and maybe point out why it doesn't need to change than to find flaws that you don't really think are flaws. Sometimes minor flaws can even enhance a poem. With such a strong focus on honesty here, I think being honest about what you like is a very important balancing point.

The focus on honest, straightforward critting here makes this thread even funnier though.

------------------
Here I am trying all kinds of mysterious things.. Just smash it with a coat hanger.

[This message has been edited by Nash Mason (edited July 12, 2005).]

[VictoriaGaile]

Gawd, I say a lot of the above but I never mean the snide, unkind subtexts.

Oh, neither do I, Janet! This is all in good fun.

Even when I like a poem, I try to pick a nit or two, on the theory that even things I already like can be made even stronger.

[Rose Kelleher]

LOL, Janet! You must have taken your Serious pills this morning.

Mine could be examples of how you might perceive a crit if you were feeling insecure.

And I don't really pen satirical sonnets about everybody who crits my poems. Honest! Fenster is a wildly exaggerated caricature I concocted for fun after a poem of mine bombed, but the poem in question really wasn't very good, and I don't really think the critics who panned it are like Fenster.

(Now give me one of those Serious pills - I have a lot of work to do today.)

[Janet Kenny]

Nash, Victoria and Rose I do laugh at the send ups and was in no way solemnly shocked. Promise. A little depressed maybe?


This does not belong on the Deep End=Le Deep End c'est moi.

I need to know more =about everything including poetry.




[This message has been edited by Janet Kenny (edited July 12, 2005).]