[Terese Coe]

Lee

The categories of season words are a revealing addition to your teaching here. They give a great deal of direction. Thanks very much for your reply.

Members note: the indentations in Lee's lists don't show up in this thread but they're visible when using the quote function on a reply or when transferred to Word.

Even the "Human affairs" list is so bucolic, one has to wonder how much contemporary life has strayed from the "human," at least by these standards.

As for the haiku I posted, you're right about the punctuation and adding the possessive; the improvement is evident, and thank you!

Aeolian harp's
wind-played song—
collecting seedpods

My meaning was this: the music is like the wind-blown seedpods collecting near the harp in the window. But the other seedpods are those in the mind of the listener, made by the harp's music and blossoming in the mind. I suppose that's elusive, like the music made by an Aeolian harp.

Thanks again for your generous teachings.

Terese

[Donna English]

Thanks Lee, for your time and guidance through this wonderful thread. There are so many haiku here. I'm out of my league, but I couldn't resist taking a stab at it.
Regards,
Donna


caterpillars eat
lacy patterns in oak leaves
--beautiful carnage

steaming foal on straw
mare rises, nickers softly
Cord breaks. Chord bonds

in the fenced yard
cottontails graze the clover
the dog is dead

thunderstorm passes
broken robin’s egg
alive with red ants

[Tim Murphy]

Fivefootone, those are wonderful, seeing as they do, into the heart of things. I sent Lee an email this morning, recalling Tomasaburo's debut at the Kennedy Center twenty years ago in DC, and it insisted on becoming a tanka:

Takes One to Know One

Flowers in a dressing room
where Liv Ullman tells
Tomasaburo Bando:
“You are the greatest
tragic actress on the stage.”

[Donna English]

Thanks Tim! That was a nice compliment, and a great contribution to the thread. Enjoyed the smile on both.
Regards,
Donna

[Lee Gurga]

Renate—
I think each version of you haiku has its virtues. I guess overall, I like the second better, though I am not certain the images are in the best order.

Yes, reading can be more interesting than writing—and a whole lot less frustrating! I might go as far as to suggest that if one does not take pleasure in reading haiku, it is unlikely one will be able to write worthwhile poems of this sort.

Lee

[Lee Gurga]

G/W—

There are several issues here. Yes, there are traditionalists in Japanese haiku. There are three big organizations in Japan. One is traditional, maintaining the standards of fixed form and a seasonal reference, one is fairly radical, allowing for keywords in place of seasonal words and a looser adherence to fixed form, and one is “middle of the road.” That said, it is important to understand that “traditional” is not equivalent to “throwback.”

As you observe, there are many seasonal poems in the Man'yoshuu, Kokinshuu, Shin Kokinshuu and other anthologies. None, however are haiku. Most are waka (tanka) which have a completely different mood and posture than haiku. Almost all were composed by members of the Imperial court. Haiku, on the other hand, developed specifically in opposition to courtly poetry.

Lee

[Lee Gurga]

Henry—
Like your frangipanis! Of course you scents are images! The most common images in haiku are literal images of the senses. most often sight, but all the other senses are valued. Often the most interesting haiku are those that present images of two different senses in the two images.
Leaving “the “ off the beginning of the haiku is not a tontoism at all. I try to avoid beginning a haiku with an article or preposition or other weak word. The poem is short—let’s get to it!

Yes, I agree, Blue Ridge IS a gem.

Lee

[Lee Gurga]

Henry—
Finally done with work and some chores, so I have the pleasure of responding to your haiku.

Yes, they do get under the skin. I don’t presume to suggest they should ever replace any other kinds of poems—each has its charm and its use. Like many, I wish that I were more talented than I am, but not being talented in many ways allows me the pleasure of others’ gifts.

I like your “apple trees” but wonder if “ripening” might be better? Also, in the haiku way of seeing things, “spring” is unnecessary here—it is implied. For example, “rose” would be a summer season word. If you wanted to suggest another season, you would then have to include it, e.g., “winter rose.”

Respectfully suggest that your “wrens” is a bit too busy.
And as for the third, simply a gem of Tonto and Tontoism!

Lee

[Glen]

above fish water
splashes in rain clouds foaming
sunless green below

[Lee Gurga]

Fivefootone—

Hey, we’re all out of our league!

I thing the second and fourth (especially the fourth) are the best. The first is marred by a third line that is simply commentary, the third by a third line that is too bald a statement. Of the possible relationships between the images, "cause and effect" is probably the least effective.

Not bad for the first time!

Sixfoottwo