[Royston Vasey]

'You are what you eat' - if that's true,
Those among us neglecting to moo
who've eaten but cow
yet neigh-forth, somehow
Ate Dobbin and shoed Ermintrude.


I doubt that the Frenchies much care
If their burgers are dodgy as fare:
They'll eat frog legs and snails
(Perchance puppy-dogs' tails) -
So what if their Big Mac's all mare?


If you venture to eat in Saigon,
Don't ask if The Special has gone -
If it has you'll soon see
Just how quickly can be
Something knocked-up from croc, bat and swan.

[Roger Slater]

The frog told the waiter, "Oh my!
Your kitchen, I fear, is a sty!
For God bless my soul,
If you look in my bowl
You'll see there's a soup on my fly!"

[Douglas G. Brown]

Originally Posted by John Whitworth

Not mine of course

A chap who was dining at Crewe
Found a rather large mouse in his stew.
Said the waiter, 'Don't shout
And wave it about
Or the rest will be wanting one too!'

My first line isn't the righ one but you get the gist.

John,

"An epicure dining at Crewe"

At least, that was how I learned it in 5th grade, circa 1961.
I think it was in the "Arrow Book of Funny Poems"

[Edmund Conti]

Right after a wearying session
A worker might make this confession:
“I could just eat a horse!”
You should know that, of course,
He parrots a well-known expression.

[Roger Slater]

"Waiter," I said, "if you please,
What's this substance that's coating my cheese?"
Before he replied
I heard from inside
The kitchen as somebody sneezed.

[Brian Allgar]

In my soup, at a restaurant in Fife,
Was a fly swimming hard for its life.
Cried the waiter, dismayed,
“A mistake has been made!”
As he ran to get one for my wife.

Said one restaurant fly to another
“They feed you quite well here, my brother;
But don’t touch the soup;
It’s unspeakable gloop,
And it’s poisoned my father and mother.”

[George Simmers]

We've dug up Crookback Dick, and I fear
He is terribly bony, poor dear.
He once offered, of course,
His whole realm for a horse,
So let's feed him meatballs from Ikea.

A foodie cried out: 'This terrine
Contains traces of horse. That's obscene!
I need to be sure
What I'm eating is pure
Unadulterate true Soylent Green!'

[Roger Slater]

Though some people say that a nag is
A food that can choke us and gag us,
I like to be sure
That my horsemeat is pure
And not tainted by traces of haggis.

[Douglas G. Brown]

First horsemeat in the beef in the UK, then more of the same in Sweden,
and now this...

"Beer lovers across the U.S. have accused Anheuser-Busch of watering down its Budweiser, Michelob and other brands, in class-action suits seeking millions in damages.

The suits, filed in Pennsylvania, California and other states, claim consumers have been cheated out of the alcohol content stated on labels. Budweiser and Michelob each boast of being 5 percent alcohol, while some "light" versions are said to be just over 4 percent.

The lawsuits are based on information from former employees at the company's 13 U.S. breweries, some in high-level plant positions, according to lead lawyer Josh Boxer of San Rafael, Calif.

"Our information comes from former employees at Anheuser-Busch, who have informed us that as a matter of corporate practice, all of their products mentioned (in the lawsuit) are watered down," Boxer said. "It's a simple cost-saving measure, and it's very significant."

The excess water is added just before bottling and cuts the stated alcohol content by 3 percent to 8 percent, he said.

Anheuser-Busch InBev called the claims "groundless" and said its beers fully comply with labeling laws."

Is nothing sacred?

[Madeleine Begun Kane]

Originally Posted by John Whitworth

No, I don't think it's her real name. Have you ever met anyone called Leonora?

Perhaps she likes Beethoven Overtures.