[Bill Dyes]

The Subcommittee


We were certain
that truth in matters of State
would most resemble a tree.

All of us knew
it was a tree we approached,
leaves shimmering in the distance.

A majestic,
efficient shape achieved by reaching
out to all directions at once.

And we saw the
storm approaching like closed fists
threatening argument and indecision.

The rains coming
and the shining leaves falling into
limp pages deconstructing on the ground.

All that remains
are piles and piles of testimony
lying everywhere, attached to nothing.

We have rooms filled
with stacks of paper standards
simply restating our preferences

and unable
to stand when the winds came,
our precious roots posturing in air.

[John Boddie]

Bill -

This is a good start on an interesting simile. You might consider:

Dropping S2

You might drop "paper" in S7. By this point in the piece, your readers already know it's paper.

The transition from S7 to S8 seems disjointed to me. The use of the roots is a good one and you might look at moving S8, making it S5. If you do this, you might want to drop S7 entirely.

JB

[annie nance]

Hi Bill,

I'll disagree with John on dropping the word "paper." Calling them "paper standards" underscores the idea that the standards are kinda flimsy - no real substnace to them. I will, however, agree with him about moving S8 up to follow S5. I'm wondering if you could somehow combine S6 and S7 into one.

Nice job.

annie

[John Riley]

I read this as a comment on the political process in general. It is a theme I would have great difficulty dealing with and think you have done it effectively. I don’t see anything I’d change but as said I’m not the best reader for this one. I feel inadequate.

[annie nance]

Just a point of clarification:

Was the intent of using the tree reference in order to bring to mind the three branches of the U.S government?