[John Whitworth]

Well done Bazza and Martin Parker, a loaf of bread, a book of versee and a Thou to each man. This competition refers to A.A. Milne's 'Now We Are Six' in case you didn't know. But I'm sure you did. Where IS my copy?

No. 2692: eighty years on
You are invited to supply poems suitable for inclusion in Now We Are Eighty-Six (16 lines max). Please email entries, where possible, to lucy@spectator.co.uk by midday on 6 April.

[George Simmers]

James James
Morrison Morrison
Weatherby George Dupree
Suffers a little, these days, alas,
From a failing memory.
“I don’t remember my wife,” he said
“And that’s a bit of a shame.
But it uses up most of my little grey cells,
Just recalling the whole of my name.”

[John Whitworth]

Did you know, George, that Richmal Crompton, who was NOT a fan of Christopher Robin, liked this poem because it is in a classical metre. Don't ask me which one.

Now here's my first shot.


Now We Are Eighty-Six

When I was a child
I was wicked and wild.

When I was a teen
I was scrawny and mean.

When I was twenty
My sins were plenty.

When I was thirty
My doings were dirty.

When I was forty
I was really naughty.

When I was fifty
I was selfish and shifty.

When I was pensionable
My sins were unmentionable.

But now that I’m filthy and old as the hills
I subsist on scotch whisky and potions and pills

[Martin Parker]

I am working hard on "Has Anybody Seen My Prostate?" So, hands off, please, the rest of you!

I suspect there will be a huge entry for this one. I did three last night in a bit less than thirty minutes! I should have stayed in the pub instead.

[FOsen]

O Timothy Tim
XXXXXXXHas immutable hair;
XXXXXXXAnd immutable hair
Has Timothy Tim.
It goes with him,
XXXXXXXOr he'd be bare,
XXXXXXXWithout his hair
To go with him.

O Timothy Tim
XXXXXXXHas one bright smile
XXXXXXXAnd one bright smile
Has Timothy Tim.
It sleeps near him
XXXXXXXIn a great glass vial.
XXXXXXXSleep well, bright smile
Of Timothy Tim.

Frank

[John Whitworth]

Now THAT's what I should have said.

[Ann Drysdale]

I've been asking "what is the matter with Aunty Jane?" and have scared myself half to death. It sort of blew up in my face, like when you try to make fireworks. It seems like a good idea at the time, but the results are often not quite what one envisaged...

[Roger Slater]

I wonder if these are any good:

http://www.thepresentfinder.co.uk/pr...topher-matthew

[Orwn Acra]

Solitude

And to a house I shall go
Alone, alone, alone
And to a house I shall go
In bone, in bone, in bone.

And in this house I shall see
The range, range, range
Of my life laid out for me
So strange, strange, strange.

[John Whitworth]

Orwn, that must be a winner. How you can conjure a dark and serious poem out of A.A. Milne I don't know. But you can. You did.